All by myself....

My current wallpaper is of this adorable cat peering out of a heart-shaped opening in a wall. Looking at it really triggers off the "I want a pet cat" impulse in me...my lifelong fascination...sighz...

Today marks my first day of solitude in the office. (Yes for some reason I have been severely ostracised and have been relegated to the status of a nobody in the office, ignored by all and pitied by none). Ok the previous statement was fabricated crap but I really am by myself here coz my only two neighbours are on maternity leave. Henceforth this corner of the staffroom belongs to moi!!! HAHAHAH...(deranged laughter) At least until mebbe October or so. Yeah but it can get rather lonely with no cubicle mate to converse with. Gaah.

Had a dreadful start to the week - terribly tired out by onslaught of work...but thankfully things have tapered off to a more stable state...thus my short break here.

Think I'm ill-suited to this job coz of inability to properly discipline students. Am too tolerant and too freakin' soft-hearted. Esp. feel guilty and strange when other students reprimand their classmates for my sake.

loss..

昨天得知朋友的哥哥在一起交通意外中丧失了性命。 一阵愕然。 虽然不认识他，但也是有听朋友提起过。仅仅三十岁的他，就这样告别了人世。 无法想象的突然。

年纪越大， 人生的“苦”也体验得越深切。

每天这样忙忙碌碌，很少会停下脚步来，静一下， 真正的感受性命。

愿天主保佑我朋友和她家人。。。

Yea..

*resigned*
My goldfish memory has been rearing its ugly head in recent days, wrecking havoc on my already foggy state of mind. Forgot about half a dozen important things, saved only by fortunate coincidences and reminders from other people.

*whine*
Due to "unforeseen circumstances", I won't be freezing my butt off in Europe anymore...a tad disappointed but mebbe I can switch focus to the Southern hemisphere instead?

*enlightened*
A priest once said in a recent homily that our prayers to God should be of thanksgiving and not always petition. Our relationship with God can be strengthened if we are able to give thanks to Him for something each day. I guess this also helps to prevent the oft-committed habit of only turning to God when one is desperate.

*worry*
One whole day at Pertapis tomorrow with my class doing CIP with them for the first time...*gulp*

This is home, truly =)

Woke up with a start this morning to find that it was already bright outside which meant that self was very late. Was rather thankful that mommy dearest was still fast asleep else she would have increased my panic ten-fold with the constant urging to hurry up. Managed to dash to school on time (by taking my third consecutive cab if you count the two yesterday - there goes my $$$).

Struggled to settle the CIP stuff with my class (coz nobody listens when you're trying to talk to the class as a whole) and somehow worked out a rough plan. Can only hope that everything goes smoothly on Friday. Thank You, God, for giving me a positive response from the home. Had been sooo desperate.

Went for this workshop on how to relate with parents yesterday. Was terribly tired out by the course (almost collapsed from exhaustion during piano class) but did learn some useful stuff. Had been feeling unhappy about something, but sorted my thoughts out a bit after listening to the trainer's constant emphasis on the "power of the situation". Like how if someone snaps at you suddenly for no apparent reason, it doesn't mean that he or she is being mean and ridiculous towards you. Most likely there would be a reason behind that behaviour, like some unpleasant encounter or situation that angered the person. So...avoid committing that "fundamental attribution error". People are really not that bad, most of the time it is the circumstances that are.

It's kinda strange when I reflect about this coz I caught this bit on yesterday's channel 8 serial that had the character contemplating about the misconception she had about her colleague. Same kind of thing - he wasn't as terrible a person as she had thought. She had misjudged him based on his actions.

I had my own personal experience of misjudgement during lunchtime, when I quizzed a student about his apparently errant behaviour and he revealed his reasons which struck me as somewhat unfortunate for his part. Had gleaned (wrongly) from my observations that he's an irresponsible and slack kind of person. Upon learning the truth, ended up feeling rather sorry for him.

This job is teaching me a lot of things. Like how a lot of things are not what they appear on the surface. People, especially, are often more complicated than one thinks. I guess I'm just too...dumb.

***

Oh and to link back to the title of this post - It's National Day tomorrow!!! Cheers to us, Singapore...for pragmatism, racial harmony, first-world desires, kiasuism, hawker food, bad driving etiquette, stoicism, efficiency, ever-changing urban landscape, paternalistic government, armchair critics, harsh censorship, spectacular National Day Parades...

Beautiful Seed

There are certain songs out there which can touch hearts, that make you feel as if the singer is speaking to you, or telling a part of their life story through the song.

Was at Corrinne May's concert last night at the UCC with the piggy, and found my tears flowing freely during her first four songs. Every line in her songs tell a story, and it felt like I was a part of it and standing right there, sharing in her emotions and thoughts. Whether it be about friendship, loneliness, perseverance or love, the music flowed and ebbed effortlessly and beautifully.

She was in a simple black no-frills top long enough to resemble a short dress, and sat purposefully at the piano which provided the most basic and also the best melody to her songs. Her small but substantial band surrounded her - guitars, drums, percussion, strings, keyboard. Before some of her songs she gave a short introductory note about the source of her inspiration - certain quirks that people exhibit, meaningful life experiences, her personal anecdotes.

The songs were mainly from her latest album Beautiful Seed, and the cd version really doesn't give a clue to the listener about how good the songs can actually sound when she goes unplugged with the additional musical accompaniment.

And I was just watching and listening to her, assured and happy with her music, doing something that is atypical of most Singaporeans, travelling around the States, writing and performing her own works. A touch of envy perhaps. Since as of now I'm probably not as sure about my life as I would like to be. Just being forced to live in the present (which is really what one should do instead of daydreaming perpetually) and looking forward to public and school holidays. How nice it would be if everyone could enjoy what they do for a living.

It is a rare talent to write songs that inspire and touch..Thank you, Corrinne May, for the experience.