God reigns...

It all began with the nuscss alumni gathering two Sundays ago. Was feeling my usual lethargy prior to the meeting but sense of responsibility propelled me on. Was rather surprised at large turnout of seniors (i.e. old grads) but only a couple of fresh grads (will need to look into publicity). So began to lead prayer session...had never actually done lectio divina before, not to mention in a group setting, so was a little uncertain at first...but as it is when we leave things in His hands, great stuff happens. Just simply gathering and sharing about scripture among old friends and acquaintances brought about this overwhelming sense of familiarity and warmth. Call it nostalgia if you like, but was just left marvelling at the how the Spirit binds everyone together. All those shared experiences of retreats, camps, talks or just casual social events - these will always be precious memories for me.

Remembered sharing about the need to maintain a close relationship with God, and to have more love for the students I teach.

Am glad that I was there at the gathering, for I found praying a little easier after that. The last week of school demanded a lot of frantic tying up of loose ends, and a huge sense of dread began to loom across the horizon...when I looked at the calendar and saw that I had a Year 3 parent-teacher meeting on Friday night, followed by a confirmation camp Sat morning. To stay back in school on Friday night conversing with parents was gonna be tiring enough, but to have a 3 day 2 night con camp straight after that...I did not think my physical being was going to be able to withstand that. Add the fact that I did not have a very memorable con 1 camp experience last year, what with a gigantic circus of screaming pubescent teens, and dreadful flimsy and bug-ridden mattresses as beds. I prayed harder than I ever did in weeks.

So with just a wee bit of trepidation I dragged my weary, post-PTM body to church. Only to find, by the grace of God, that the teens appeared to have miraculously mellowed, I was quite comfortable managing them thanks to my experience as a teacher, I'm more at ease with my fellow catechists than before, and the mattresses have been changed!! The time and place was new, but the faith experience was not - to realise, time and time again, that God will answer all prayers, and often in the most wondrous and affecting ways. Never did imagine that a confirmation camp can be so fulfilling. Praise God!! =)

really...

So it's been about two months since our last literary rendezvous. Have been busy. I know how this sounds like a complete excuse (which is not exactly untrue), but it's true. Have been really, truly caught up with work. This whole teaching thing is Tough. I dunno how people can last over ten years in such trying circumstances. Or could it be the innate slacker in me talking? I'm just not efficient/admin-savvy/organised/adaptable enough.

it's weird. A weekend where I can finally not think about schoolwork and I end up getting really dazed and whoozy (too much sleep? an alien concept in the current context of my life). Was trying to pack for upcoming M'sia trip but made little headway. The only headway can be attributed solely to mom's constant reminders to pack stuff A to Z. Reason for slovenly behaviour could be that self gets filled with dread when thinking about the 30-odd kids I gotta supervise. My freedom gets curtailed by them (and theirs by me), and I really really hope they behave themselves during the thing.

I'm tired of my escapist attitude. I tend to run away from things. That's why I procrastinate so much...

Am at a point where direction in life is not very clear. As in...there seems to be several things I can do, but none that I'm actually doing, or intending to do. Or...k I just need to pray. Disoriented...