蓝色的思念

October...

2008-10-26T10:35:00.003+08:00

This morning I woke up thinking of the following -
snap, nap, naps, pan, pans, san?, nas? pas??...
then it was pane, mane, lane, bane, cane...
then clear, lear, lean, mean, man, men..

Been playing too much of the word challenge game on facebook. It's wildly addictive. One of those things one can do with a lot of time to kill. But problem is, I'm rushing something and I don't have that luxury!! AArrgggh!!
Crap...............................................................rap.cap.pac.par.pcr??

Was reflecting on something during mass yesterday. Say I am praying for a period of time, say in church or after I read some scripture. So it's nice to be in a prayerful state right..but oftentimes something would happen right after that - and I just lose it - I get angry, frustrated, irritated. So it's like, what's the point of entering a prayerful state when I can't seem to maintain it at all? So I begin to question myself - like why is it that I am so vulnerable to external irritating factors? Esp. in the early morning at the start of a school day. I just need one small imperfection, one small thing that maybe someone or myself didn't do properly...and dark clouds start looming over my head. Black face, the works. Why can't I accept disturbances with more..tranquility?

Most of the time, just irritated with myself..grrr

Watched Tropic Thunder yesterday, and had a sort of mini reunion with some ex-DHS schoolmates. People whom I saw all the time back in sec school and maybe even knew or spoke to...and meeting them again ten years later. Pretty cool. =) Oh yea and as for the movie, well...I liked the beginning and the ending, but it was kinda messy in the middle. A result of attempting to poke fun at too many disparate issues, and having too many big names around. Not really enjoyable, but a brave attempt at bashing Hollywood stereotypes. I give it a 6/10.

rightoz...so that was just some morning ranting to vent some steam...now it's back to...functions of placenta. Hmm.

it's been a while...

2008-09-01T16:36:00.003+08:00

Yes it has been so long.

Finally able to sit down and not feel too bogged down by work to type an entry in this poor neglected blog of mine.

It's the start of the one week Sep hols. My Year 4s should be mugging hard for their EOYs now. Should.

It's nice to have students wishing me Happy Teachers' Day over sms or phone. Didn't occur to me that the actual day is today coz we had celebrations last Friday.

Went onto MSN to chat idly with friends, updated my Facebook. Activities which I largely eschew in favour of work/sleep.

Things really looked up for me this semester. Had a few near misses at work but somehow the turn of events managed to save my poor butt. Very thankful to God for His blessings. And for other things, a special someone who recently entered my otherwise monotonous life...

Half a year to go before the bond ends. Decisions...

Read an amusing article in the Reflection section of the Lifestyle yesterday. Think it nicely sums up our TV experience with the Olympics. Was a healthy form of escapism for some of us =P. Felt so inspired just looking at the hot bods and skill in playing those ball games.

And I even had time to think about my friends...:P

To Rachel who has just left for Germany to pursue her PhD in Econs, all the best and may you have a great time there.

To Yumin and Yasmine who just ROM-ed, congrats and best wishes!

To GuoHao and Sharon who will have their wedding this Sunday, may your married life be blessed with lotsa joy and peace. (and kids)

To my students, mug yr ass off man. Or, ahem, do work hard and don't disappoint me! Though I understand that it involves occasional sms-es from different people clarifying random bio facts.

Ok enough of my travelling thoughts, back to the textbook. =)

woven and spun

2008-03-29T14:31:00.002+08:00

I titled the above as such coz for some reason dug out this cd I bought some time ago by Nichole Nordeman, which carried the same name. A nice change from Rihanna I must say =P I quite like the groove of her songs but her MTVs are in a class of their own. Instead of portraying a cliched storyline like what most do, hers are mainly video clips of herself in various states of undress, gyrating her body on the top of a car, in the rain, on the bed...and they have garnered millions of views on YouTube. Sex sells, sex sells indeed.

I don't feel like I'm about to turn 26 in a few months. It's like, physically and mentally, I'm still where I was in my early 20s. Actually I don't think I've changed physically since I was like eighteen (i.e. still skinny and long-limbed). I guess such thoughts come to me when I see friends moving on to the next phase of life - getting married, having kids, having to deal with new commitments...and can't help but feel like I'm on the slow track somehow. It has its advantages, like more freedom in a sense, to pursue my dreams (the perpetual "in" thing for youths and increasingly, older folks) unencumbered by other personal obligations.

When I took up teaching I thought that that meant I would be freed from lab work forever, and would only need to supervise students doing them. But as my luck would have it, I still find myself trialling experiments in the lab. Doing repetitive measurements and trying to optimise readings. Only this time round, I'm working with far less sophisticated secondary school lab equipment. Gosh.

Was in a terrible state of mind during almost the whole of Lent, mainly due to overwhelming number of responsibilities at work, and also..my escapist tendencies trying to find a way out of it all. One week break proved to be more exhausting than anything...but was really glad for the Easter break. Though it was just one more day, but I had the time to organise my frenzied thoughts and actually make plans for the rest of term. And of course to pray and get in touch with God again after being a bit lost in work...

A lot of interesting local and global news lately: the Mas Selamat fiasco (i visited the talkingcock.com website jus for the laughs), political upheavals in M'sia and Taiwan, black man vs white woman in a very curious political tug-of-war in the States, scary child-killing flu bug in Hong Kong, rising prices of everything everywhere...much to think and talk about.

Six more weeks of teaching before leech-infested level camp in m'sia with 300-odd 16 year olds, electives (means - no teaching) in week 10, and something to smile about - June holidays. Gotta really start writing that textbook..

And before I end off, just a note that I got promoted recently, along with several other colleagues. Am now GEO1A1 (whatever that means). Am not over the moon about it coz erh..it seems rather standard procedure to moi. I mean, it's the civil service, not to mention the education sector. Though they are trying to differentiate performance more by the new scheme (which I once again have some difficulty comprehending - or mebbe it's more like I understand as it is being explained but it completely slips my mind the next time I think about it). What's wrong with my neural connections when it comes to money I don't understand.

2008 - A Happy New Year (?)

2008-01-01T18:36:00.000+08:00

I am now at the threshold of what could possibly be the only event more monumental than the start of a new year - the start of school.

I remember being filled with utmost dread last last year (2006) around this time, but now I'm calmer and more purposeful. Guess it's coz I already know what to expect (mad scramble, mad sssccrramble...)

I'm beginning to wonder if I've become less nice than usual. Maybe I'll know when I've totalled up the times when I actually feel that I need to make an effort to be nice to others.

I'm looking at my timetable now and my latest class ends at 2.45pm. Which is something quite unprecedented for moi who has gotten used to lessons at late timings.

For what I believe is the first time in my life, I spent the five minutes before and after countdown attending to some urgent matters in the confines of my home toilet. So i kinda missed the transition totally..

I'm so going to miss the clarity of mind afforded by sufficient sleep.

It has been a gloriously relaxing one month plus.

I can't bear to leave...but the dream is ending...what could this year hold for me?

And another...

2007-12-31T15:31:00.000+08:00

...year has passed.

It is customary for most people, I believe, to look back on all that we've gone through and make some philosophical conclusions on how we could have done things better.

So before I start thinking about the New Year gathering I'm going to later (one of the millions going on in the world I suppose)...I shall pause and reflect. Hmmm.

I'm beginning to wonder if I generally fare better during the years which are even numbers. Or mebbe I just happen to hold more fond memories of '04 and '06, and am psycho-ing myself to believe that 2008 will be also similarly full of happy stuff.

That being said, 2007 hasn't been very enjoyable. Mainly coz of work. Of teenagers towards whom I feel a huge generation gap. Of lack of sleep. Of forgetting endless things, big and small. Of life centred on school and nothing much else.

But I also made good friends among my colleagues, and I guess that helped to neutralise some of my gloom and doom outlook.

alrites enough of the reminiscing. Looking forward now...

In the new year, I'm going to...(in the spirit of resolutions I shall avoid the use of the word "try")
- continue learning piano
- learn driving
- manage my time in school better
- stop taking the school bus (still not sure)
- take a firmer stance towards students
- be more organised
- adopt a more disciplined prayer life
- smile more (?)
- reply to SMSes and emails
- be more understanding towards my mom
- be more open towards relationships. There I've said it. It's not easy to maintain my usual indifference towards relationships when just about everybody around me is getting married/planning to get married/already married. It gets me thinking bout the "why" of going into a relationship with someone, what could I possibly be missing out on...and it doesn't help that just about everybody who's in a relationship has quizzed me about why I'm not. Well, I'm not sure why things turned out this way but maybe I'm just more enamoured of a solitary life than most people. Well, whatever...

Teeth...

2007-12-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

Tis a significant day for moi as my upper set of braces got removed today, after two whole years of wearing them. The first time I looked in the mirror, I realised that I had forgotten how large my front teeth are. But it's nice to be able to close my mouth properly, the first time in my life. The dentist even gave me the mould of my original ugly, crooked, pre-braces pearlies..."for display on my mantelpiece", he says. Hurhur. But it's really some scary skeletal sculpture.

Anyway...I'm glad to be able to appreciate this holiday season for what it should be. Relaxing and most importantly...cool weather. Mmmm...

Was a little bored so googled my name and to my pleasant surprise found a pdf file that was the report that I wrote for my UROPS (undergraduate research opportunities programme in Science)...was part of this long long list of reports as part of a NTU site. Had done it four or five years ago..so...odd that a scientific report can be nostalgic but yea...I'm keeping this one as a memento of my initial research aspirations. Somehow that din work out.

It's less than a month to start of school. Yikes!! Why am I thinking of this...

Back from Vietnam

2007-12-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

Yep...back after 5 days in Vietnam...and one of the first things I did upon reaching home was to record the entire journey in the form of a trip plan (which is supposed to be a plan b4 a trip, but whatever...)...and it's at Yahoo.

Slowly easing myself back into work mode....gaaaaah.

Some words at a passing

2007-11-25T21:43:00.000+08:00

You know sometimes you run into one of those situations where you think to yourself - No, please...not him/her please... Those times where you don't wish for that coincidence to happen. This morning, it did.

Dear Stephen,
Though I do not know you well, and we may just be passing acquaintances to each other, but I do remember that brief period in NIE when we were in the same GESL group, that day when we made a presentation together to get more funding for our project. We never quite met or even spoke again after that. When I learnt of the accident in Cambodia, I immediately thought of you, the only person I've ever met who is an avid dragonboater. No way, I told myself. There are five missing, it can't be that coincidental. I checked my old emails that I never deleted, read the old email you sent before, checked your full name. It tallied with the newspaper report, and I recognised you, the centre photograph amidst the five.

You were a friendly, easygoing type of guy, passionate about sports and I'm sure, a dedicated PE teacher. You and your teammates have been abruptly taken from us, but I pray that you and your friends are in a better place now, safe in the arms of the Lord.

Rest in peace.

stuff

2007-11-23T15:11:00.000+08:00

Wow it has been a while.

I'm way into the school hols now, but am still not rid of the "swamped with work" feeling. Only real break comes next week where I shall venture into the landmine-ridden fields (that's really an exaggeration and a strange misconception some people hold) of Vietnam. Hallo Saigon...

Think I'm the kind of person whom one cannot really judge based on appearances. Just had a work review session which was essentially a long chat with my reporting officer about the year that has passed, and it dawned on me that, besides my usual aloof demeanour, I must have appeared to have a rather gloomy disposition. I guess the daily exhaustion plays a part in my lack of cheeriness...but well, it's jus something worth thinking about coz even though one may not agree with what others think about yourself...it is always useful to reflect upon it and glean something from it all. Appearances do matter, always.

Anyway anyway, hols means some time to indulge in my fave hobbies - books, music and movies. Am quite intrigued with my current read - Freakonomics. People are supposed to live according to morals, but our lives, the decisions we make, our behaviour both private and public, are actually governed by the laws of economics. The stuff in the book really offers an alternative and often quirky view of things. Which actually make sense, or least, the writer crafts it in such a manner that his postulations seem so logical and plausible we wonder why no one had thought of it before. Hmmm.

Watched a series of films (bought them instead of borrowing them this time - my consumerist streak kicking in but am comforting myself with the thought that now I'm borrowing books instead of buying them) and fantasised about being an award-winning scriptwriter (you know one of those dreams which are not very feasible but you hang on to them nonetheless). Also watched the entire season 1 and whatever has played of season 2 online for Heroes. It's rather entertaining and think the effects and acting really help in propelling the storyline forward. Not easy to start with such a sci-fi theme and yet distinguish the show from X-Men, Fantastic Four, The Incredibles, and the Like.

Sometimes the holidays present a problem as it provides me with the time to think instead of just perpetuating my work-eat-sleep cycle. So I worked the brain cells and proceeded to..
Contemplate my anti-social existence,
my job,
my existence in general,
life after death (and panicked as a result),
why people wed,
where I am spiritually.

It is not good to think too much sometimes.

Teachers' Day rox...

2007-09-12T17:03:00.000+08:00

妙手仁心？？酷吧。。。

Dancing pals giving "hearty" smiles

This is me now, and also ten years ago.

Dancing kings and queens, Grease style.

Thoughts...

2007-09-07T23:51:00.000+08:00

Guess this post is a little overdue (ugh my old and rheumatic keyboard makes for terrible typing at a rapid pace)...

Jus need to put this down on record. Backtrack a bit to one week ago...
As it is with the end of Term 3, was feeling rather dreadful about not being able to keep up with the stuff around me, so had never imagined that I would spend the last day of school before term break being immersed in total...fun. I so need to supplement this post with pics but have none with me currently (would need to get from colleagues). Anyway it was really cool as that was the first (and possibly the only) time that I would take on three different identities in a day. It was like one massive dress-up party for moi...visited the 1950s first, as part of a Grease! dance ensemble for the concert item. Had spent hours coaching my very sporting colleagues, and just felt so gratified that the dance turned out great on stage. Thought there was some terrific dancing by everyone, and of course the reception by the students was deafening. In rare bouts of narcissism some of them actually watched the video recording of the performance for about five times straight while we were back in the staff room. Am just glad to be a part of this event that gave us so much laughter and fun, uniting the math and science teachers.

Straight after the dance, scrambled to change into school uniform (yes that's right - but it's not mine) and receive incredulously flabbergasted looks from everybody coz I looked totally like a fifteen or sixteen year old while togged out in the familiar white shirt with the metal buttons and the navy blue skirt with its pleats. Posed on stage with a few other ex-students-turned-teachers, to raise funds for charity as part of this year 5 project but at the end of it I really wonder how much money they managed to collect - there wasn't much organisation. Afterwards went on mad photo-taking spree with Mich - till the batt in the camera died.

Then came night for the inaugural Teachers' Day dinner. Theme was "Black and White", and decided to be more minimalist this year after last year's extravagant Potter affair with rented costumes and what not. One of us had came up with the brilliant suggestion of dressing up as doctors, so we grabbed a few lab coats and stethoscopes from the Bio lab (conveniently), and viola - it was ER and Grey's anatomy ruling the day (not that there was much competition).

Was so thankful when the day ended - it was like a very unexpected present from God - good clean fun.

Weekend was spent at the catechists' retreat. Didn't really know what to expect, nor did I expect much, admittedly, but was great that I had some insights during the reflection time, and also got to know several more fellow catechists (more peeps to say hi to in church hah). Nice to be part of community.

Then it was a course at the Science centre on Mon and Tue, and remedial classes on Wed and Thur, which translates to waking up early. every. single. freakin'. day. Tried to compensate for that by sleeping till 11 am this morning, but was rudely awoken at 9 am by yelping doggie from unknown household. Said doggie actually yelped for the entire day, and for a while in the morning was sharing airtime with crying baby - so it was like...gahh. Discussed briefly with the piggy about possible murder of doggie by enraged neighbour and subsequent whodunnit murder mystery in the block. There are reasons why I infinitely prefer cats.

All by myself....

2007-08-16T11:34:00.000+08:00

My current wallpaper is of this adorable cat peering out of a heart-shaped opening in a wall. Looking at it really triggers off the "I want a pet cat" impulse in me...my lifelong fascination...sighz...

Today marks my first day of solitude in the office. (Yes for some reason I have been severely ostracised and have been relegated to the status of a nobody in the office, ignored by all and pitied by none). Ok the previous statement was fabricated crap but I really am by myself here coz my only two neighbours are on maternity leave. Henceforth this corner of the staffroom belongs to moi!!! HAHAHAH...(deranged laughter) At least until mebbe October or so. Yeah but it can get rather lonely with no cubicle mate to converse with. Gaah.

Had a dreadful start to the week - terribly tired out by onslaught of work...but thankfully things have tapered off to a more stable state...thus my short break here.

Think I'm ill-suited to this job coz of inability to properly discipline students. Am too tolerant and too freakin' soft-hearted. Esp. feel guilty and strange when other students reprimand their classmates for my sake.

loss..

2007-08-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

昨天得知朋友的哥哥在一起交通意外中丧失了性命。一阵愕然。虽然不认识他，但也是有听朋友提起过。仅仅三十岁的他，就这样告别了人世。无法想象的突然。

年纪越大，人生的“苦”也体验得越深切。

每天这样忙忙碌碌，很少会停下脚步来，静一下，真正的感受性命。

愿天主保佑我朋友和她家人。。。

Yea..

2007-08-09T17:53:00.000+08:00

*resigned*
My goldfish memory has been rearing its ugly head in recent days, wrecking havoc on my already foggy state of mind. Forgot about half a dozen important things, saved only by fortunate coincidences and reminders from other people.

*whine*
Due to "unforeseen circumstances", I won't be freezing my butt off in Europe anymore...a tad disappointed but mebbe I can switch focus to the Southern hemisphere instead?

*enlightened*
A priest once said in a recent homily that our prayers to God should be of thanksgiving and not always petition. Our relationship with God can be strengthened if we are able to give thanks to Him for something each day. I guess this also helps to prevent the oft-committed habit of only turning to God when one is desperate.

*worry*
One whole day at Pertapis tomorrow with my class doing CIP with them for the first time...*gulp*

This is home, truly =)

2007-08-08T13:48:00.000+08:00

Woke up with a start this morning to find that it was already bright outside which meant that self was very late. Was rather thankful that mommy dearest was still fast asleep else she would have increased my panic ten-fold with the constant urging to hurry up. Managed to dash to school on time (by taking my third consecutive cab if you count the two yesterday - there goes my $$$).

Struggled to settle the CIP stuff with my class (coz nobody listens when you're trying to talk to the class as a whole) and somehow worked out a rough plan. Can only hope that everything goes smoothly on Friday. Thank You, God, for giving me a positive response from the home. Had been sooo desperate.

Went for this workshop on how to relate with parents yesterday. Was terribly tired out by the course (almost collapsed from exhaustion during piano class) but did learn some useful stuff. Had been feeling unhappy about something, but sorted my thoughts out a bit after listening to the trainer's constant emphasis on the "power of the situation". Like how if someone snaps at you suddenly for no apparent reason, it doesn't mean that he or she is being mean and ridiculous towards you. Most likely there would be a reason behind that behaviour, like some unpleasant encounter or situation that angered the person. So...avoid committing that "fundamental attribution error". People are really not that bad, most of the time it is the circumstances that are.

It's kinda strange when I reflect about this coz I caught this bit on yesterday's channel 8 serial that had the character contemplating about the misconception she had about her colleague. Same kind of thing - he wasn't as terrible a person as she had thought. She had misjudged him based on his actions.

I had my own personal experience of misjudgement during lunchtime, when I quizzed a student about his apparently errant behaviour and he revealed his reasons which struck me as somewhat unfortunate for his part. Had gleaned (wrongly) from my observations that he's an irresponsible and slack kind of person. Upon learning the truth, ended up feeling rather sorry for him.

This job is teaching me a lot of things. Like how a lot of things are not what they appear on the surface. People, especially, are often more complicated than one thinks. I guess I'm just too...dumb.

***

Oh and to link back to the title of this post - It's National Day tomorrow!!! Cheers to us, Singapore...for pragmatism, racial harmony, first-world desires, kiasuism, hawker food, bad driving etiquette, stoicism, efficiency, ever-changing urban landscape, paternalistic government, armchair critics, harsh censorship, spectacular National Day Parades...

Beautiful Seed

2007-08-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

There are certain songs out there which can touch hearts, that make you feel as if the singer is speaking to you, or telling a part of their life story through the song.

Was at Corrinne May's concert last night at the UCC with the piggy, and found my tears flowing freely during her first four songs. Every line in her songs tell a story, and it felt like I was a part of it and standing right there, sharing in her emotions and thoughts. Whether it be about friendship, loneliness, perseverance or love, the music flowed and ebbed effortlessly and beautifully.

She was in a simple black no-frills top long enough to resemble a short dress, and sat purposefully at the piano which provided the most basic and also the best melody to her songs. Her small but substantial band surrounded her - guitars, drums, percussion, strings, keyboard. Before some of her songs she gave a short introductory note about the source of her inspiration - certain quirks that people exhibit, meaningful life experiences, her personal anecdotes.

The songs were mainly from her latest album Beautiful Seed, and the cd version really doesn't give a clue to the listener about how good the songs can actually sound when she goes unplugged with the additional musical accompaniment.

And I was just watching and listening to her, assured and happy with her music, doing something that is atypical of most Singaporeans, travelling around the States, writing and performing her own works. A touch of envy perhaps. Since as of now I'm probably not as sure about my life as I would like to be. Just being forced to live in the present (which is really what one should do instead of daydreaming perpetually) and looking forward to public and school holidays. How nice it would be if everyone could enjoy what they do for a living.

It is a rare talent to write songs that inspire and touch..Thank you, Corrinne May, for the experience.

A small tribute...

2007-07-28T13:01:00.000+08:00

I first came across Harry Potter while I was around 17 or 18, sometime in the middle of my JC years. A good friend of mine who sat beside me was avidly absorbed in it, and though I had some initial doubts about its appeal as it was a children's book, I was hooked the minute I turned page one over. I immediately progressed to the second (my least favourite of the seven) and the third (I borrowed it from my GP tutor, and found it so marvellous that I did the rare act of buying my own copy). By the time the fourth book came out it was to a hungry, Potter-crazed worldwide audience.

There are many reasons that one gets drawn to the story. The fantasy theme - which is set in present times, with non-magical people living alongside wizards and witches, a school set up for magical education in another world out there, something that offers a wonderful break from the drudgery of Muggle life. The style of the author's writing, which is altogether captivating, engaging and fluid. The various little historical facts, names, figures and legends which are sprinkled throughout the book, concealed in various interesting trivia and characters made up by the writer. The enduring themes of love and courage that carries the characters through their toughest times in life. The mystery that surrounds the title character of Harry, interlinked with those of his beloved headmaster, his least favourite schoolteacher and his nemesis. As the layers slowly unravel themselves through the series, the pursuit of the truth behind it all is what drives so many to keep on reading and speculating.

And now, with the release of the seventh and final book, it is over. My journey of seven years has come to an end. It was a bittersweet kind of feeling, reading the last line in the last book over and over again, almost refusing to believe that it's already finished. To me, it does not really matter that the ending is as such. I mean, such epic stories are supposed to end in such a manner. It doesn't make sense to end it otherwise. What's important is how the writer gets to the ending. And she didn't disappoint. For a brief moment I had this really sinking feeling in my heart when it was revealed that the death that everyone said would happen was supposed to happen. But thankfully it didn't. And Ms Rowling rounded everything up nicely, which really made me want to go back to the first book and start over, so that I can fit in all the pieces of the puzzle. Alas, time does not permit such an ambitious attempt.

Was there a clue in the last line that there could be more to come? But this could just the "refusing-to-accept-the-truth" part of my brain that's talking. No matter what, all good things...would have to come to an end. Adieus, Harry Potter.

2007-07-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

最近，比较烦。

为何学生就是那么不听话。。。简单的吩咐都不肯听从。不只懒，能力也有限。而那些略有责任感的人，寥寥无几。搞到现在连一个简单的cip 也变得一团糟。留下级任老师来收拾残局。想到那群学生就烦，觉得我没什么能力教他们。觉得我好失败。觉得--好辛苦。心有余而力不足。。。

我还能有希望吗。

It's here but...

2007-07-20T08:44:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's the day of release for the final book in the Harry Potter series, and i have not ordered it. Am not intending to camp outside borders either. Am just gonna let the mania pass me by like it did for the earlier books (until the price of the book drops to a more affordable level). Thankfully I am not one who minds spoilers (in fact, I quite like them).

Am sitting here awaiting my 1145 am class, and am having this feeling that I've forgotten many things...but can't for the life of me figure out wat. (oo it's mambo no.5 on radio) I guess I really should shift my gaze to the stack of papers lying just a mere thirty cm away...

Have been reading papers lately and pondering some of the issues discussed. Like the whole Live Earth thing for instance. Neil Humphrey proclaimed it a farce in the Today paper, and I kinda agree. Not quite sure what the concert was trying to achieve, esp. when you think about the amount of electricity consumed as a result of it and also the trash generated by concert goers. Think this is where my mom's philosophy has rubbed off me a little - it's useless to have all talk no action. So ultimately it's the real stuff that people do, or dun do, that matters. It's not easy to do things like not use plastic cutlery or plastic bags when they are so freely available. Or to not drive cars when they offer so much more convenience. Or to just lug a bag of recycled papers to the recycling bin downstairs.

It's nine. Time to start work!!

detestable...

2007-06-26T16:53:00.000+08:00

They are ubiquitous
I see them at home, they are all over my stuff at work
They are desperate
They dun spare a single molecule of sugar
They are diligent
Persistent
Disgustingly hardy

I HATE ANTS AND HOPE THEY VANISH FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH (or at least, from my sight)

WHoopee...

2007-06-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

It's nice to...

- Spend the precious last day of the hols having tea with my past exco bunch (Hannah, Julz, Netto, Ian - Kes and Ina are unwell - get well soon!) - have always thought that the seven of us had a special sort of bond originating from the times we did our exco work and mebbe those uber long exco meetings in HC...had our tea at this quaint little spot in Esplanade called the "V Tea Room". It serves all kinds of flavours of tea and a yummy assortment of cakes - we had our fill of melted cake, tea cake, yoghurt cake, quiche...and chatted about issues ranging from the frivolous to serious societal worries.

- Realise that I'm a 90s kid...to tune in to the 90s weekend on class 95 fm and be able to recognise a song simply by listening to the few opening notes, or to just sing along, not really sure about the song title or singer but just working purely on long term memory... That just rocks, man...

It's not nice to...

- Be still up at this time of the night (or morning, actually) trying to squeeze out some last minute notes, with the thought of having to wake up at 5.40 am tmr morning, and dashing to the pick-up point only to face some bus problem (touch wood, of course, but the last two terms were just too awful for me to keep from being pessimistic)

Wish me luck!

Hee...

2007-06-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

Today marks the day I finally completed my marking of close to a hundred files. Tis a moment to remember. About two weeks worth of morning+ afternoons spent in school during the hols...purely for the sake of flipping thru grubby worksheets and photocopied stuff from friends (thankfully this only applies to a handful of students but please..how can one just photocopy a friend's completed worksheet and chuck the thing in the file?? what's the point of doing that? were they actually expecting to get credit for what is obviously another person's work? Got morally grossed out...)

Headed to queensway and found the backpack I was looking for - this Vertikal one that served me well during my France trip two years back. Apparently Vertikal is quite a "cheapo" sort of brand and dun think it's that popular among backpacking enthusiasts but I have to say the model I used was really good for me - think was carrying about 14 kg and din really feel it. Not quite sure whether I got a good deal tho...apparently prices of backpacks (and also a gadzillion other consumer goods) are going up...hmm.

And since I'm on the subject of travel...just for record purposes, in case I need to refer...the travel agency Wingo is good for the asian countries, e.g. korea, taiwan...coz it's rather cheap compared to the other agencies (believe me I took a comprehensive tour of almost all the agencies in people park's complex). And the F&E wasn't great but was still acceptable...And never buy tix too close to the date of departure esp. for budget airlines like Jetstar, coz prices can shoot up by the hundreds...yea...I should remember this kind of info...

And now just need to find out which agencies are good for europe (?)...

I'll be bidding u adieus soon, dear blog...once term starts the MIA commences too...

some hearts...

2007-06-18T14:52:00.000+08:00

it's a nice cloudy day and am in staff room surrounded by the abominable files.

Decided to blog coz it ain't something I get to do very often in the staffroom. Not exactly coz it's not allowed or what (anyway my seat is real secluded - usually my presence is not noticed by anyone coz I dun make a single sound, apparently), just that usu. am too tired to compose any intelligible piece of journal entry.

So was at lunch with colleagues just now and thought that what one teacher said was pretty sound advice - that it's very important for parents to spend enough quality time with the children when they are young i.e. primary school age, coz once they reach secondary school they will start to drift apart from parents. Which is very true coz 9 out of the 10 parents I speak to tell me that there's absolutely no communication between them and their kids. And they are clueless as to what to do about it. Not that I see that there's much that can be done. It's a bad phase most adolescents go thru, unless the parents really make it a point to try to understand the child...but one key point that the teacher brought up was that if the parent establishes a good foundation during childhood, then the teenager might drift but will not stray too much. Guess it also depends on the style of upbringing e.g. my mom had always kept a tight rein on me since young, and she's real fierce when she gets angry, so out of obedience I would not dare to try anything too overboard. And that has kept me rather safe and sheltered from harmful influences through my growing up years. And even though I hate to admit it, it's usually wiser to take her advice on most matters.

The dread of term opening and having to face dreadful kids...who dun cooperate and dun do work and dun care much about deplorable grades.

Listening to: Carrie Underwood over the web music player. Soothing country style music...

A thought bubble...

2007-06-18T00:15:00.000+08:00

Have been seeing the world with new eyes lately, simply coz of the opportunity of sufficient sleep that the holidays have afforded me with. Really, it's amazing how many slip-ups I commit due to lack of sleep. In a way I do miss the good ol' days in the uni, esp. in the hostel, where I can always sneak back to for a much-needed midday nap. Where 8 am lects can be easily skipped...where I can stay up till wee hours to fulfil my nocturnal habits like watching downloaded movies when it was still not so illegal, aimless surfing, maple story (?? firmly a thing of the past, thankfully)

How I envy those peeps who can survive on a few hours of sleep...it's like..they can get so many more things done...instead of those who are genetically programmed to behave like zombies if they get less than eight hours of sleep.

ok think I've gone on enough about my love affair with the zzz gods...

let's look back at how self spent the one month break...

- Am grateful for the times spent having fun with friends who are also colleagues - late night karaoke, cards, mahjong, meals...thanks for the cheers and thrills peeps..=)...nice to see the more outgoing side of everyone, and to joke and discuss trivia instead of approaching one another solely for work-based issues.
- Learnt very recently that burritos + water+ margaritas with low alcohol content can make me puke (I almost did, but managed to keep it down coz I was at the MRT platform - not a good place for barf). It's the build-up of wind la...my stomach is vulnerable in that aspect.
- Found out just how fun it can be to play around with the timetabling software. Really. Change one timeslot or subject and you realise that you gotta change a million others (which is of course an exaggeration, coming from me)
- Did work in school. Marking files is a dreadddd...
- Did very slightly more housework than usual.
- Charted my future prospects. Scrapped unrealistic ambitions and decided to focus on more feasible stuff.
- Prayed more.

Have been looking back at the semester that has passed, and just feeling rather red-faced when I realised there were so many things I could have done better. Like sometimes I just dun understand why when I'm thinking about doing something and visualising it in my mind, it seems perfectly workable. But say when I actually face the students, I either forget that something totally, or react in some other strange, unplanned manner. I'm just too freakin' nice and weak-willed with people. It's a disadvantage in life, really. Unless your ambition is to be a hermit.

Have been craving for food lately...good yummy food...mmmmm...

Now am just looking ahead to the end of the year when I should (barring any totally unexpected, unwelcome, unpleasant circumstances) be heading on a vacation to Europe (yipppeee...but it's gonna be winter..so...=(...risky for skinny and rhinitis-prone me)...plus the sec 4s are having exams real early in august so will be freed after that...

One week more before I re-enter the semi-conscious state of existence.

reflections

2007-06-11T12:44:00.000+08:00

The school hols are the only time in the year when I can stop and reflect about my current state of existence.

So it's been a year since I embarked on this teaching job officially. Has been a really interesting kind of learning experience, complete with blood, sweat and tears. Was forced to make some fundamental changes to personality (never a comfortable act) and also discovered more (usually negative) traits about myself. (like how I can never function properly if I have to wake up before six a.m. daily, the extent of my 3 second-comparable-to-a-goldfish-short-term-memory, how it may not be the best thing to go back to your alma mater and see that you cannot apply any of your old familiar standards on the kids anymore)

Have been researching future prospects of a second career after teaching, and managed to attain some headway. Most prob will want to go for further studies (not involving research in a lab doing repetitive rounds of the same experiment of course) in UK/Australia. Has been long-held dream of mine to study overseas, and still remember my naivete after the A-Levels, blindly applying for any Tom Dick Harry scholarship that could get me an overseas education. Was extremely miserable during first year in NUS, feeling like I've been denied a slice of the glamour pie. But in retrospect, if I had ended up overseas I would have missed out on so much - the network of friends...and most importantly a strong Catholic community in the form of CSS. Think I would be quite a different person today without it, much less close to God...

So yeah...overseas education. Much to consider...

In the meantime, am just getting too comfortable at home and in front of the internet. Most colleagues have chosen this time to go for a short holiday...but I shall...save money..hurrr....

God reigns...

2007-05-30T09:47:00.000+08:00

It all began with the nuscss alumni gathering two Sundays ago. Was feeling my usual lethargy prior to the meeting but sense of responsibility propelled me on. Was rather surprised at large turnout of seniors (i.e. old grads) but only a couple of fresh grads (will need to look into publicity). So began to lead prayer session...had never actually done lectio divina before, not to mention in a group setting, so was a little uncertain at first...but as it is when we leave things in His hands, great stuff happens. Just simply gathering and sharing about scripture among old friends and acquaintances brought about this overwhelming sense of familiarity and warmth. Call it nostalgia if you like, but was just left marvelling at the how the Spirit binds everyone together. All those shared experiences of retreats, camps, talks or just casual social events - these will always be precious memories for me.

Remembered sharing about the need to maintain a close relationship with God, and to have more love for the students I teach.

Am glad that I was there at the gathering, for I found praying a little easier after that. The last week of school demanded a lot of frantic tying up of loose ends, and a huge sense of dread began to loom across the horizon...when I looked at the calendar and saw that I had a Year 3 parent-teacher meeting on Friday night, followed by a confirmation camp Sat morning. To stay back in school on Friday night conversing with parents was gonna be tiring enough, but to have a 3 day 2 night con camp straight after that...I did not think my physical being was going to be able to withstand that. Add the fact that I did not have a very memorable con 1 camp experience last year, what with a gigantic circus of screaming pubescent teens, and dreadful flimsy and bug-ridden mattresses as beds. I prayed harder than I ever did in weeks.

So with just a wee bit of trepidation I dragged my weary, post-PTM body to church. Only to find, by the grace of God, that the teens appeared to have miraculously mellowed, I was quite comfortable managing them thanks to my experience as a teacher, I'm more at ease with my fellow catechists than before, and the mattresses have been changed!! The time and place was new, but the faith experience was not - to realise, time and time again, that God will answer all prayers, and often in the most wondrous and affecting ways. Never did imagine that a confirmation camp can be so fulfilling. Praise God!! =)

really...

2007-05-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

So it's been about two months since our last literary rendezvous. Have been busy. I know how this sounds like a complete excuse (which is not exactly untrue), but it's true. Have been really, truly caught up with work. This whole teaching thing is Tough. I dunno how people can last over ten years in such trying circumstances. Or could it be the innate slacker in me talking? I'm just not efficient/admin-savvy/organised/adaptable enough.

it's weird. A weekend where I can finally not think about schoolwork and I end up getting really dazed and whoozy (too much sleep? an alien concept in the current context of my life). Was trying to pack for upcoming M'sia trip but made little headway. The only headway can be attributed solely to mom's constant reminders to pack stuff A to Z. Reason for slovenly behaviour could be that self gets filled with dread when thinking about the 30-odd kids I gotta supervise. My freedom gets curtailed by them (and theirs by me), and I really really hope they behave themselves during the thing.

I'm tired of my escapist attitude. I tend to run away from things. That's why I procrastinate so much...

Am at a point where direction in life is not very clear. As in...there seems to be several things I can do, but none that I'm actually doing, or intending to do. Or...k I just need to pray. Disoriented...

aaaah

2007-03-13T16:17:00.000+08:00

rights so the previous posts (notably during term time) have been of a somewhat dreary and serious nature. So since it's the hols (albeit a short one but no matter, one has to be happy about the small treats in life if you are where I am now)...I think I can finally come up with some frivolity.

Just watched "The Prestige" on VCD and man....it's awesome. Very original. So wasn't surprised when I saw that the director is the same guy who gave us that perplexing Memento. I definitely prefer Prestige coz Mr Nolan the scriptwriting prodigy has kindly deigned to give enough clues to allow the audience to form a fairly accurate idea of the final twist way before it is revealed. I had such a difficult time following the pace of Memento that it seriously affected my enjoyment of the film. And there's really a lot more to Prestige than just jealous feuding magicians. A fair amount of character development is incorporated, and the tragedy element always strikes a chord with me.

Realised I've watched an astounding number of shows starring Hugh Jackman, which probably explains why I continue to be so enamoured with him for so long...or is it the cause of my film selection? Or could they be jus strengthening each other? ah watever...so anyway I've seen Kate and Leopold, Someone Like You, all the X-Men shows, Van Helsing, Scoop, and now this. And in all of them (except Helsing where the horrendous hairdo ruined everything), well allow me to gush...HJ rocks!!! ok for purposes of acting my age I shall stop here.

So yea am glad I at least watched one nice film during this period. Takes one's mind off things.

And oh oh oh how could I have forgotten to mention the pretty $400-plus organiser(Palm TX) that I purchased during the recent IT Show. Am piling all my memos into it and have found a great function for it as an ebook reader. =) Hopefully I can become better organised in the long run...?

Me...this is about me...

2007-03-09T23:13:00.000+08:00

About two minutes ago it hit me - could I possibly have some kind of an anger management problem? Ok before I balk at my own statement...jus let me say this. As I do more things besides studying, I'm starting to find that there are many things I do not know about myself. This whole repressed anger thing started in the U, when for the first time I felt intense resentment against another person. That was when I first started to wonder at my own temper. Rights so 99% of the time I'm one of the most good-tempered persons you can ever find. I can tolerate endless teasings, even insults, plus other assorted nonsense. But there is that creepy 1% submerged in my personality which will only surface when:

a) I'm severely disappointed in a person/people.
b) I feel that I've been lied to through and through, time and again.

So far it's these two. And I can get very scary when I'm angry. I can get so vehement that sometimes I wonder if that is a sign of lack of control.

I dunno...guess I do have my own issues too...

Rites it's getting to be tiring...psychoanalysing myself...so i shall sleep for now...

mmmm...

2007-03-03T12:05:00.000+08:00

Been quite a lull since I last posted.

Realise that I always always fall sick around the same time every year. That is, around the late Jan to Feb period when the monsoon is ending (or supposed to end, since this year is really giving everyone abnormalities in weather changes - La Nina?).

So anyway that awful period has passed and am currently in relatively energetic post-serious flu state.

Saturdays are always spent planning...churning out worksheets and what not...and the more I do, the more everything just bubbles to the surface and I find myself struggling to capture the bubbles before they go back down or worse, pop.

It's amazing how hypocritical students can be. Or are they even aware that they are being hypocritical? Whatever it is, some of them really excel at complaining about others, only to exhibit the same behaviour when it comes to themselves. Shows a severe lack of maturity on their parts. Really disgusting. If I leave my current job, the off-putting flaws of adolescents will have a lot to do with it.

I mean, I know it's supposed to be Lent and the last thing I should be harbouring is ugly thoughts and ugly words about people. But...they are really atrocious.

I can almost feel my personality changing thanks to them. Maybe...I jus have to learn to be tougher to face the challenges to come? Maybe it's actually a good thing?

whatever it is...drats...

Loss...

2007-02-11T13:47:00.000+08:00

Yesterday the little piggy received news that her friend had passed on suddenly. She has known her since JC, and were pretty close. Even though I've never met this friend, I've heard her name mentioned several times over the years. I think she was quite ill at one stage during JC (that did not stop her from achieving top grades), and thankfully that passed. But calamity had to strike again.

What's it like to lose a friend - so young, so suddenly.
To have her life cut short just like that
To experience something that most of us will not go through till many years later
To go without managing to say goodbye to family or friends
The number of things she has yet to achieve, will achieve
What could have crossed her mind during those final seconds?
Did she know...?

While life goes on for the rest of us, hers, once on a similar track, has taken a separate path.

I think the piggy has had to deal with a number of setbacks and emotional upheavals in the past year...just hope that she will, like our blessed Mother, ponder these things in her heart and grow from her experiences. Thank God that she was at the rally yesterday...the power of the Spirit will prevail.

More lamentations...

2007-02-04T19:35:00.000+08:00

Working life has little to offer in terms of fulfilment. I mean, they always say that teaching is a very fulfiling job when we find ourselves "making a difference in the lives of our students". But am not feeling it. Or, mebbe I have not found it? I'm not opening my eyes wide enough? See it always boils down to being hard on myself. Which ultimately originates from low self-esteem, yadayada. Tendency to be blind to the good things that I do/might have done.

Am leading a very cloistered existence of home, school, home, work. Is of course totally abominable in the worldly social sense but really, it doesn't bother me as much as it should I suppose. The other day was in a mall, passing by all those shops with sales, etc., but totally could not muster any interest in clothes or whatever. It's been very very long since I bought any piece of clothing for myself. Too pampered by mother.

Can't help wondering how would I be coping if I were in another kind of job. Life as a beginning teacher is really one of the toughest experiences I can possibly have. That's why really have admiration for teachers who are good at what they do. Not a simple thing to just sail into class and teach and engage and inspire.

There's actually some watchable stuff on tv tonight (Superstar finals, Sing-Thai soccer fight), but I choose...Microsoft powerpoint over them. Woohoo!!

Ramblings...

2007-02-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

Every now and then I have a post title as the above. Happens when I wanna write lotsa random thots down and can't think of a suitable title linking them. (But hey hey hey...I'm still able to blog...which means...by some miracle am still alive in spite of cumulating workload)

Right now am still feeling huffy over encounters with form class in sch. It was not so long ago that I realised that disappointment with people is the one thing that can really get me down. And I think that bunch of people is seriously about to scramble over the fence that leads into unfriendly teacher territory. Or is it that I'm over-reacting about not having my expectations met? I was really really about to boil over in the lab today but I tried hard to control (I think I will look ugly if i really blow my top)...leaving me with some brewing p*** that should ideally be released somehow. But it appears to be contributing to my atherosclerosis instead.

Anyway...on a slightly different note...

This show that's ending its run on channel 8 - called the Peak or something, is quite interesting in the sense that it's all about not making your first choice in life (or more specifically, love). It's like, the leads in the show are all unable to be with the ones they really like, but somehow end up choosing someone else. Not settling for, but actually making the choice. And like I was discussing with the piggy, it's quite reflective of real life coz we often dun get what we want. But rather, God will give us what's best for us =) haha...some epiphany.

***

And in a rarely seen bout of patriotism...
~ let's hope Singapore can survive the Thai onslaught come this Sunday~

Week 4 of Year 1

2007-01-27T10:44:00.000+08:00

When the campus was in Tanjung Rhu not so long ago, I used to keep cabbing home. Was thrown into perpetual state of guilt coz of $$ spent, but hey, I got back in fifteen minutes. Looking back now, that $$ is really, er, peanuts compared to the amount of time and money spent going back from school now. Blew 40 bucks on cab fares in two days. That more or less cancels out the amount I've saved over the past weeks by taking the school bus. School is jus too freakin' far (!!!!) No wonder some teachers would rather leave than travel. 2 more years of torture.

Work. Sleep. Work. Only excitement being...students?! Can't be helped...that takes up the bulk of conversation among teachers. Exchanging stories about certain interesting personalities, analysing their actions, breaking it down into small parts, deciding how best to help them out, which best course of action to take.

For some odd reason have become something of a klutz in front of my form class. To date, have tripped over wires, slammed into doors, and even had this prolonged laughing fit (first time ever for moi) in the middle of explaining about lysosomes.

I think some excitement in my life would be good, but...too tired to generate it.

***

Only faith can guarantee the blessings that we hope for, or prove the existence of the realities that at present remain unseen.
Hebrews 11:1

Sleep...the balm for sore minds

2007-01-21T21:45:00.000+08:00

I think I might have attempted to quote Shakespeare there but really the exact words uttered by Macbeth (one of the most intriguing protagonists of all time IMHO) have slipped by, yep, sore mind.

Am tired...jus so tired. After a month of holidays with enough rest I've successfully forgotten how tiring working life can be. I mean, I've never felt so completely exhausted in my life before. All those years of studying...no matter how much I mugged...I could always make up for it by sleeping...but nowadays...well I hope it's not a result of ageing...even sleep seems insufficient. Or issit coz it's like one night of eight hours trying to make up for a week's worth of sleep deprivation. Think teaching really takes a toll on my physical health. I'm one of those weak chaps who need to be pumped with tonics to stay alive. (alive, as in...alert)

I can rant on about this but the cell worksheet is screaming for my attention. Dislikes having classes early in the morning..no time to prep for them.

And, and...I shall not get started on the_______. The evil side of moi is yelling that I hate responsibilities!! I mean...not all responsibilities...but too many of certain responsibilities is seriously...undesirable.

Yeah Yeah...

2007-01-13T11:23:00.000+08:00

Blogging has been relegated to a weekend activity.

For the pure sake of it,
My daily weekday morning schedule -
o540 - alarm rings, open eyes reluctantly, dream interrupted
0615 - scoot out of door, usually leaving something behind
0640 - reach Tampines MRT
0640-0655 - herd ~200 students onto 4 buses plus one minibus
0655 - body's sympathetic nervous system gets ready for last-minute contingencies i.e. bus breaks down, bus doesn't come, too many students etc.
0705 - start to desperately flag down cabs if any of the above-mentioned contingencies materialise
0735 - reach school on a good day; if bad day, past eight a.m. and students in my class start harping on the fact that i'm late

Trying not to dwell on the mornings fiascos over the past week. Bad for the heart. But realise my cynicism comes out in full force when I get pissed. Not pleasant. However, I dun think I've ever prayed so hard in consecutive mornings for a week before. Something to be thankful about maybe? hurr..

Otherwise, am happy with cubicle and cubicle mates.

Revelation that I need to maintain a supply of snacks for myself, coz with 5 levels worth of students thronging the canteen when school's over, it becomes impossible to get lunch.

I bathe early, sleep early, wake up early. It's all part of a healthy lifestyle really. But a wee part of me still yearns for the hostel days of bathing at 3 am, sleeping at 3.30 am and waking up at 9.30 am to stumble into LT. Of course in retrospect I probably looked like crap then. But still...there are other things more important than looks...

No day but today...

2007-01-07T17:04:00.000+08:00

Thought I might blog since it's already a week into the new year...and I'm still able to jump around and go "heeheehee" which means that I'm not experiencing the full teaching load...yet.

It's interesting having a form class for the first time...can say a lot of stuff which are not related to academic work. Had gotten off to a sullen start with them coz think only a tiny handful are from the same classes, which makes the initial socialising and breaking of the ice rather difficult. But thankfully thankfully, after two days of team-building activities, everyone has managed to warm up quite nicely...and the best part was one of the teams actually managed to garner the title of grand champion of the amazing race segment . K i'm quite a sucker for winning competitions so am really proud of them =)

Sighz can feel my creative writing juices being sapped away already. Wonder if i can ever fulfil the dream of becoming a full-time writer...

Am really glad for the hour I spent in the adoration room on the last day of the year. Was a good prayerful way of ending the year and lifting up petitions for the next. The good Lord has really blessed me with the peace and joy that I need...=D

NY

2006-12-30T19:10:00.000+08:00

I used to think that I'm not much of a thinker. But now I know I am. Coz I can think myself into a headache. Hence it takes some willpower to avoid taking certain trains of thought that can lead one to a migraine.

Anyway as I stand at the brink of a new year, shall jus take a few moments to look backwards before gearing up for a new journey. Am thankful that at least this year's much better than the last. Have grown a lot closer to God, beginning to understand more about what it means to be in love with Him, but also unearthing a lot of disturbing things about myself in the process. Still learning to trust in Him and letting go of the many little demons that cling to me/I'm clinging on to. Learning to unburden myself unto Him, even life's little trivialities.

The year has also seen quite a bit of makes and breaks in terms of relationships among my friends, and given me some new perspectives about them.

Since this year's the landmark year of starting my first ever job, it also means that i've managed to amass the largest amount of $$ (which really isn't much, given my usual financial situation) in the course of my entire life. WHoa hooo!! K just a little cheap thrill.

Realised that teaching is really really really a lot tougher than it looks. And that ultimately, I may not be cut out for it.

Realised that I should try harder to be happy with myself.

.........................

So what next then? Will elaborate in the form of New Year resolutions. Though, by virtue of the fact that they are resolutions and hence will not be fulfilled.

- Pray more. And be disciplined about it.
- Sleep more.
- Organise more.
- Exercise.
- Drink and be merry.
- Be more firm with students.
- Do more housework.
- Practise the piano more.
- Socialise more and be happy about it.
- Smile more but less at students.
- Ill treat the piggy so she doesn't take advantage of me.
- Give the piggy more $$ to make up for the above.
- Appreciate my mother more.
- Remember friends' bdays.
- Give more $$ to charity.

And last but not least...LOVE more!!

Happenings...

2006-12-26T16:04:00.000+08:00

It's been a cold cold Christmas. Not to mention extremely wet. Was a little taken aback at the news report about the extent of the flooding in the Thomson nurseries. Apparently, it was an unprecedented occurrence for the owners...must have been a heartbreaking experience clearing up years of hard work turned into trash overnight.

Caught a cold on Christmas eve...think the winds just got too strong and chilly at night. My nasal glands went into overdrive and i'm just thankful that I got these couple of days to rest indoors and get all the sleep I want...

Ended my one-year-plus alcohol ban a couple of days ago. Why? I dunno. I dun even really know why I started abstaining in the first place, but definitely not religion-related reason. First was wine (which I realise is my least favourite alcoholic beverage) at Black Angus (where the bill came up to an unmentionable amount), then some too concentrated vodka at a Christmas gathering...looks like i'm starting to toxify my liver again...

Since we are nearing the end of the year,

I would like to thank the Lord for:
- the two charismatic retreats-YISS and LISS which I attended in the middle of the year (which I believe played a big part in helping me start working life in a spiritual mode)
- the CHOICE retreats I presented at
- the friends I made in NIE and DHS
- the 2.2 month bonus (hehe)
- the laughter when I was down
- the assurances when I was lost
- the inspiration when I got discouraged
- the answered prayers of my friends

A small revelation...

2006-12-23T15:44:00.000+08:00

For some unknown reason went to visit my old blog (2002-05) jus now...and was left with the impression that I seem to have lost quite a bit of my personality after leaving school. Like while I used to be able to adopt a humorous take on events, what I've got now is mebbe still some humour but laced with cynicism. And also I seemed a lot more cheerful, at least in writing. Now I'm jus...somber. While I was able to easily revel in the company of friends while staying on campus then, now I'm finding it hard to hold on to those same ties, without the shared experiences. Now everyone's enslaved by the demands of different professions, and even during get-togethers a new kind of wariness seems to have crept in.

Ugh why am I sounding so morbid...why do I always like to hold on to negative feelings about myself...I think I just have this natural masochistic tendency to capture and dwell on troubling stuff. A morose disposition...that's what I've got. I mean, there were so many wonderful moments of fellowship with people but I jus can't recall the feeling.

It's like, I think working life has dulled me completely...I need to break free!!

Pre-Christmas blues...hmmph

Celeb

2006-12-20T01:03:00.000+08:00

Rights so here I am again...obviously lured here by my overexposure to the comp (my eyes!!...ugh...those eeky powerpoints)...to provide the bored reader with further insight into my thought processes over the past couple of days (my imagination is on overdrive - distracts me a lot during mass)

Haf been facing quite a bit of juicy tabloids lately (esp. after mom bought that huge copy of "U" Weekly or whatever it is called)...and the whole idea of the entertainment industry is appearing increasingly ridiculous to moi. I mean, if you are a celeb famous enough for ppl to care about when you go shopping for baby powder, then that must really mean that you have absolutely zero private life left. You're being photographed everywhere you go, you can't even find a moment to chill out somewhere without some joker popping out of nowhere with a cam. And even though you hate them for it, you need them to do it coz if they dun give a hoot about you that's when you start worrying about your popularity. Like, your ricebowl hinges on whether people like you, want to read mundane stuff about you. How...scary is that. Plus one's 人气 can be an uber volatile meter, like what Heidi Klum always says in every episode of Project Runway, one day you're in, and the next you're out. One wrong move (read: coach jumping by a certain Mr C) and your star plummets from the galaxies to below ground level. Ever seen Chicago? That's really contrived man...yet entertaining.

Discoveries...

2006-12-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

Tis already going to be third Sunday of Advent. Which means less than two weeks to Christmas. Which means around two weeks to start of school. Oh how dreadful that my lovely pleasant dream is ending so soon...

Actually attempted to bake cookies today (since Christmas season is approaching and everyone does cakes and cookies at this time)...but I have to say my oven is a horrible disappointment. Think there might be something wrong with the thermostat coz the dang thing always causes my stuff to be burnt. Either that, or as my mother calmly pointed out, it could jus have been due to my ineptness at baking. I couldn't help but complain loudly about the injustices I've suffered at the hands of the oven, till mommy dear once again had to point out that I appear to have a very defeatist attitude towards failure. well it's not that I'm pessimisstic (spelling...grrr) but everytime I try my hands at baking I'm invariably reminded of how my lab research was like. No results, think real hard, try to reason something out, target one variable and change it, then cross fingers and carry out experiment. Fail again, cycle repeats itself. It's the same with baking. Too sweet, too soft, too hard, too dry, too wet...all involves troubleshooting.

Caught the cartoon Sinbad on channel 5. Turned out to be surprisingly entertaining, with great effects and good storyline. Went to check on its year of release - '03. What happened man..it just slipped by under my nose?? I mean, I always have an eye out for movies. Whether I actually watch them or not is another thing, but I like reading reviews. So turns out that poor Sinbad was a box-office flop, with critics blaming the use of hand-drawn figures for most of the scenes in the cartoon. Apparently, the world is gravitating towards CGI. Yewl. I still favour the hand-drawn stuff, gives a more authentic feel of a classic cartoon.

Whatever...

2006-12-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

I'm compensating for my impending absence from the blogging world once term starts. Probably won't have much to blog about then...only material being stuff like...not another bad lesson, or, I forgot to mention this point during class/give something important to someone/collect this set of worksheets, or, I'm so tired today... Pathetic.

In one of my bouts of melancholy yesterday night bought two books as retail therapy (I love MPH)- The Inheritance of Loss (this year's Booker Prize winner yes I'm a sucker for award-winning books) by Kiran Desai (I really like to read her mother's works), and The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. The latter book was recommended to self by J on board the plane. Something about one demon writing to another or sth like that. Have not read either book. Becoz the sight of the SPA books is making me feel rather guilty.

Took some cat class kids (4 to be exact) to catch a movie. Turned out they had watched most of the watchable ones, so in the end had to settle for Deck the Halls (gulp). Now I'm real picky when it comes to shows so I was beside myself with angst when I had to say the movie title to the ticket person. I mean, I eschew Christmas-themed movies like the plague. But surprisingly the show did provide some laughs at the beginning and the middle bits, though it fell into the usual cliched happy ending mould at the end. Teenagers nowadays really seem different from those during my time. Or was it jus that I was a pretty dull adolescent. Repressed and reticient. Some might say that I'm still like that. Ah well. Hanging out with them makes me feel oooold.

Have been planning to make the long-postponed trip back to school tomorrow...but I'm getting a little...reluctant.....UGH

HP and Part III

2006-12-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

The dentist tells me that my teeth move at a speed that's higher than average. He proceeded to talk about it being a good omen, but I was jus secretly hoping that it didn't mean that they will take a very short while to move back into their original (crooked) positions once the braces are off. *fingers crossed* Well anyway I got light green bands for a change. Not too bad.

Current entertainment: If you are an avid reader of Harry Potter books then it might be highly entertaining to visit one of the many fan sites (e.g. Leaky Cauldron and MuggleNet) and take a look at the furore of speculation surrounding Book 7 - from its title to how Voldemort will be killed. It can get very hilarious coz it's like this massive brainstorming session where all kinds of random thoughts just pour out and reading some of them really made me chortle and bend over with amusement. I'm into this coz I just completed my second re-reading of Half-Blood Prince and it's quite intriguing thinking about what can happen next. Realised that I'm quite a fan of HP stuff compared to those around me...hmm...Yea well come to think of it JK Rowling's kinda like living the dream of a lot of people (including thy humble self) - getting published and not only that to achieve worldwide fame and riches. I doubt she ever even dreamt of it herself. What a fantasy.

So...I need to get on with Part 3 (finale) of Taipei trip, before the details slip my mind completely...

Note to self: Never again take part in guided tours around Taipei. The only benefit I got out of it was that I managed to catch a few winks in the coach to salvage my sleep-deprived body. Went Martyr's Shrine (it does have this awe-inducing aura about it) --> Jiufen (now this is a real nice place but our time there was limited and to cap it all off, it rained. Chilled to the bones coz we were at a rather high altitude, but still nothing beats top-of-Eiffel-tower experience) --> Miramar Ferris Wheel Mall (yes there was a huge ferris wheel there) --> Beitou hot spring (I was the only one who opted out, and Ig and J came out looking rather choked by the steam) --> Shinlin Night Market (a real disappointment I must say coz it looked like it was starting to evolve into XMD - din even bother to take pics there but I must say the food section wasn't too bad, din not appear as er, unclean as the other night markets) ...then last stop was Huaxi Night market (where I got this cute bag for a mere S$5, and found out later from mom that she saw a similar one that costs $24.90 in bedok?? unbelievable. Ventured into seedier regions where they had shops selling sex toys and inflatable penises, complete with little tots sitting in the shops. As in, real little kids, not that they are a part of the toys :P. Also worth mentioning is the sight of a partially-gutted snake hanging from a binder clip and writhing furiously, its tiny bean of a heart laid out for display and still pumping steadily. Quite terrible)

Yep and we woke up at a very disgustingly late hour of 10 am the following morning, and only had time to take a look at Taipei 101 from a distance, and also roamed around Eslite Bookstore a bit, marvelling at, once again, the variety of cute stuff on display. For the first time in my life I saw Tintin merchandise for sale. Darn cute manz. Love the stuffed Snowy...Then there was the fascinating automated toilet seats which moved at the touch of a button, and..get this - seats that warm themselves up so that our poor butts dun suffer the chill of cold ____ (whatever material they use to manufacture toilet seats). Really man, gotta give it to the Japanese (it's Japanese-owned i think) for creativity. Not that I think my butt needs it, in fact I think it may even be the most resilient part of my body. The most cushion, you know..ahem ahem.

During return flight started fantasising about living in Taipei (the quitter monster rears its ugly head), and checking out the mountains and stuff. Would really love to do that. On my next trip there. whoa ho!

Hmmm...

2006-12-07T17:29:00.000+08:00

Post vacation and I'm spending all my free time in front of the comp. I'm an addict. Am supposed to drop by the newly opened Ikea branch in Tampines today but as mommy is fast asleep I shall take a while to post my latest neuronal activities.

Was blog-surfing a little and it's jus an eye-opening thing to read stuff about people who lead such different lives from self. Can only blame it on sheltered cocoon of an existence and narrow perspectives. In other words, my reality is really horribly boring that's why I'm constantly dreaming up stories for myself. But I did get a little inspiration from those smart commentaries I read so all that got me thinking a bit. Oh and another point I wanna make - I dun understand why people are often always so cynical about things, especially in their blogs. It may not be an accurate thing to say that it reflects their thoughts totally but it certainly does give that impression. Actually i used to be Little Ms Cynic myself but I've toned down a lot when I realised it affected some of the more sensitive souls around me. But now and then the evil tail whips itself out.

One of the issues that's weighing on my mind currently is the fact that the young actress playing Mary in The Nativity Story is pregnant herself at age 16. Besides the heavy irony of the whole thing, especially since pre-marital sex is not allowed by the Church, I just can't imagine being pregnant and having to raise a kid at sixteen (even though that was probably Mary's age when she had Jesus). I'm gradually coming round to the idea that pre-marital sex is a lot lot more common than my naive mind thinks, and that the idea of sex being sacred and that it should only be carried out in the context of marriage is like, outdated or something. Thankfully Singapore is still rather conservative but already that is changing. People who "dare" to stand up and talk dirty and stuff are becoming subjects of some degree of fascination, not to mention controversy. Think we're like trying to tighten the chains on this monster that's already stepped out of its cage.

Take education for instance. In my time it would have been quite unthinkable for my peers to be engaging in PMS, but ten years down the road, in the context of the same (traditional, conservation Chinese) school, I'm being told as a teacher that it is a possibility among the kids. And what are the reasons that we use to discourage them against it? Same as what I saw on a large poster in a Taipei MRT station - beware of the consequences - pregnancy, social difficulties and so on. No doubt these are very important and serious issues to consider, but I just somehow feel that it overshadows the real issue at stake. This is analogous to a debate on abortion that I did with my sec 2 classes. There was a cluster of students who were vehemently against abortion as they regard it as murder, and there was an equally insistent group who argued about the consequences of having a disabled child or a child out of wedlock. To the former pro-life group, the socio-economic reasons cannot take precedence over the fact that every child is a gift of life. To the latter, they want to make the choice for the unborn child after weighing their options.

What is the key notion behind the abortion debate? That every child is a gift from God, and that no one has any right to decide whether the child lives or dies except the Almighty. What is the key notion behind the PMS debate? That sex is a culmination of the union of love between man and woman, that procreation is a sacred duty of a couple in marriage. If one believes in the sanctity of life and sex, then the consequences need not be used as a deterence for PMS or as a defence for abortion. It is because this sanctity has been corrupted in society, that family structures and relationships are crumbling.

To me, religion is the most powerful force in education, but we live in a secular state in a secular world. What can define the moral underpinnings of society?

****
Well I did go on a bit there...jus attempting to articulate my thoughts. Feel like picking up a good book on ethics all of a sudden.

台湾之旅 (II)

2006-12-06T14:55:00.000+08:00

(am waiting for Mr Ig. to put up his pics which are way better than mine so until then...no visual support for watever follows)
Day 2 of adventures in Taipei

After numerous trips to the reception counter asking for directions, we finally settled our itinerary for the day. Simply put, it was: TianMu --> Danshui --> Fisherman's Wharf --> Raohe Street Night Market.

One good thing that came out of our slightly messed up itinerary was that it meant that we did not have to miss Sunday mass. Ig had found a church from a website, which was located somewhere in between the Zhishan and Mingde stops on the MRT. There was no indication of the mass timings on the site (that being not an uncommon trait of Catholic churches - lax in updating internet sites) so we had to dash for it and hope that we were in time for something. Made the error of choosing to walk instead of taking the bus (No.220), coz we were heading for 中山北路七段 from 中山北路六段, which turned out to be a very very long stretch of road. Thankfully we just had to keep walking straight (uphill) till we reached the Mother of God Church (No. 171 on Zhongshan North Road, Section 7). Was grateful for the view of the mountains on the horizon (that's a rather common sight in Taiwan btw, isn't that just fantastic) which kinda kept me going on our arduous journey to church. After a good half hour of brisk walking, we stumbled onto the steps of 天母教堂, and by the grace of God, were just in time for the 10 am mass.

It was a very tiny chapel (by Singapore church standards), and mass was mostly attended by Caucasians (Americans, judging from the accent), presumably all expats living in Taipei. I've read somewhere that Tian Mu is the congregation point for expats so there are quite a number of international schools in this area. Shall note that that was my first time attending the First Sunday of Advent mass in another country. That's the cool thing about being Catholic - mass is celebrated in the same way everywhere else on earth. =)

After mass the trio took a bus back to Mingde station and chugged along to Danshui (淡水), a famous attraction on the north coast of Taipei. It's a nice cosy seaside town with lots of alleys lined with shops selling foodstuff. Randomly picked a stall selling beef noodles, which was so good that it basically rendered our stomachs incapable of consuming anything else. The most fun stretch is the row of stalls lining the coast, where one can play cute pasar malam type games (e.g. throwing hoops to "catch" porcelain ornaments, shooting at balloons, dunking basketballs), browse through a wide range of trinkets and keychains and pins and whatnots found in quaint little shops, or just sink your teeth into grilled octopuses, sausages, and oversized ice cream cones. Found a ferry (it's quite cheap, only NT100 (S$5) to and fro) to Fisherman's Wharf and spent the evening there, chilled to our bones from the sea breeze, and missing out on the famed sunset scene coz the sky was too cloudy.

Decided to head to the other end of the MRT line (Houshanpi 后山埤）to visit Wu Fen Pu 五分铺 and Raohe 饶河 night market, a less famous counterpart of Shilin 士林 night market (of which I will elaborate upon later in my next post for Day 3). The former comprises of this large network of streets lined with shops selling a variety of clothes. As expected nothing was relevant there as it was winter season, so we just walked through it till we reached Songshan Railway Station and found the night market across it.

Raohe is not very big, just one street long, pretty cramped with food stalls lined up tightly in two rows in the middle and clothing stores at the side. Unfortunately for moi I was very bushed and near collapse at that stage, but it was still very fulfilling to sample the food and get bargain deals for cute merchandise (it's a girl's haven la). The place rates high on atmosphere and also weighs heavy on one's olfactory organs coz there's a pervasive smell of 臭豆腐 every couple of metres. Found it nauseating so din muster any guts to try the offending source.

Embarrassing episode: Now you will find that if you're a Chinese conversing in English in TW, stares will come your way coz ppl there all speak Mandarin/Hokkien. So there I was rumaging for a wallet of my choice amongst a pile of boxes, and discussing (rather loudly) with J my preferences for wallets, when we noticed this lady staring at us and laughing. She came over and I think she was very amused to find that we could speak English and understand their 国语 at the same time. And throughout my wallet search she and her workmate were just beaming at me with amusement in their eyes. Felt rather uncomfortable with attention so hastened my search and ran off after paying.

Returned to XMD and to comfort of hotel. Now if you're looking for a good 3-star hotel in Taipei, then Rainbow is a good choice. It's a three-minute walk from the Ximen MRT station and has very helpful staff (So helpful that I jus had to get them a box of chocs to thank them before we left). We had a comfortable spacious room for 3 and had all we needed. The water boiler was especially appreciated, and we thought it was a nice touch that the cleaning lady actually rearranged our scattered toiletries in the bathroom. ^_^

台湾之旅 (I)

2006-12-06T12:33:00.000+08:00

I've realised that everytime I travel to a place abroad, I will unconsciously start to assess the possibility of long-term residence in that particular country. Have come to conclude that these might be indicators of my "quitter" mentality (re: one of the several terms coined by our ex PM). But it's not that I dislike being Singaporean, in fact, I am very grateful for being born and bred here. I just have something against the weather in the tropics. The heat and humidity really takes a toll on my physical and mental well-being (and I don't really take too well to air-conditioning either). Which explains my constant desire to get away from it all.

So one of these getaways found me on a JetStarAsia flight bound for Taipei.

That was my first time taking a budget airline. Twas kinda cramped and extremely compact - two columns of three seaters and a narrow aisle in between. Really felt quite bus-like, including the fact that the main cockpit was actually visible (from where we were seated) and only separated by us by a door. All the basic amenities are provided, together with a handful of crew members (some of whom seemed rather, er, fierce). Got an aisle seat so had a nice view of the clouds outside, which was rather magnificient. Beside me sat a rather flustered J who was busy distracting herself with reading and sales catalogues and accompanying her was a sedate Ig. Spent a good quarter of the time snoozing away, then a couple of hours away from Taipei (the whole trip spans 4 hours), started getting bored and that was when Ig gave me the story puzzle (you know, one of those mind-boggling thingys that present a scenario and you gotta somehow work backwards to figure out all the events that led to it).

Me (with lots of dramatic flair and perhaps some comedy): .........and that was how he ended up killing himself after eating the sandwich.
Ig and J: Kekekekeke...(giggling mightily)
Lady in front (turns around and says in Mandarin): Can you please talk more softly?
Me: Oh, er, sorry, sorry...
Lady: You talk very loudly you know.
Me: Oh, sorry, sorry...
(Short pause)
From this point on, everything is carried out sotto voce...
Me: Ugh it's so embarrassing when we become a social nuisance..
J: That's a nice term...haha...
Ig: Hey anyone got cotton wool?
Me and J: ?
Ig: So you can, you know..(makes plugging motion into ears of lady in front)
Lady turns around and stares. Ig freezes. Then three people behind lady collapses into muffled giggles part I.
(Short pause)
Me: Hey anyone got a sweet?
Ig passes sweets around, *rustle*...
Me: Hey maybe we can, you know...(motions the sweet to lady in front)
Ig: Oh do you mean...(sticks a sweet in lady's direction)
Lady turns around promptly. Ig freezes. Then three people behind lady collapses into muffled giggles partII.

***

Ok I jus needed to record that incident above coz it was really really funny. Especially when you've got three 24 year olds behaving like pre-schoolers. Shall end off this plane anecdote with a couple of cloud pics, which really downplay the radiance of everything but nevermind..

Upon arrival at CKS airport, was whisked off to Rainbow Hotel by a small van. Walked towards hotel feeling guilty about not tipping driver, but soon forgot about it when confronted by the throbbing vibrance of a Saturday night in Ximending. Shops and food galore! But be forewarned- prices of goods there are severely jacked up, and there's a good ninety percent chance of finding the same thing in another street market at half the price. Though I did get conned into buying a Hello Kitty pouch...drats.

Many would probably have heard of the famous "Ah Zong Mian Xian" in Ximending, and yep that was where we went for our first meal in XMD. The first slurp of the world-renowned noodles is not really as sensational as expected, but there is just something very tasty about the combination of shredded mian xian, pig intestines (I think, coz there isn't much of the intestine taste) and thick savoury soup heavy with vinegar and pepper. Absolutely lovely for a cold winter's day.

Everyone stands around the stall slurping the mee in small bowls.

First night in Taipei was spent appreciating the sights and sounds of XMD, before returning to the hotel and receiving the rude shock that our guided tour was planned for the third day of our trip, not the second that we expected. So had to do last-minute planning, details of which will be explored in my next post...

I'm approaching the oasis...

2006-12-01T21:09:00.000+08:00

As I stumble along the vast barren plains, eating and breathing the sand that penetrates everything, I mutter a silent prayer. There is nothing on the horizon, nothing as far as the eye can see. Is this it? Have I trudged through six months of desert, only to encounter more of the same? My head spins, and I will myself not to fall. I catch sight of something, an anomaly in my unchanging field of vision. Could that be...?

***

Yes it is!! A long-awaited vacation to the island now most famous for its "seas of red" on the streets. And not to mention the food glorious food!! Finally I can get to taste what the 食字路口 people munch on. I dunno if it's coz i'm a local here or what, but I just dun think we offer a very large variety of food, I mean, not so much a food paradise as it's made out to be. Of course I stand by my bedok hawker centre cuisine, and when I was in France facing varying combinations of chips and XX (choose from fish or chicken) everyday, I really missed local food. But anyway, back to TW.

Found a good place online for those who are planning their own trips...www.tripadvisor.com. The forums are managed by local experts of the particular country who are extremely detailed in giving advice and tips. V. helpful site.

If i'm in the mood, will blog bout it when i return...

So...happy holidays to all my friends who are venturing abroad, and to the rest of the no-lifers (=p look who's talking)...enjoy rainy Singapore. :D

Against my will...

2006-11-26T22:43:00.000+08:00

Right now all I wanna do is to do absolutely nothing for a long long long time.
But I can't.
Think I started to get worried when I got to know my deployment on Thur. Self foresees repeat of tortuous semester, racked with sleep deprivation and last-minute adrenaline rushes.
It's not good to be a perfectionist at times.
It's also equally unfeasible to possess no common sense and to lack organisational skills.

***
Think all that worry is starting to crowd into my prayer life. I jus want my brain to shut down or to focus on brainless things.
I realise I start to slip when the going gets tough, when I should really get stronger.
Lord, I pray for strength, for more faith and trust in You...Help me in my weakness.

***

Vexed...

2006-11-23T18:59:00.002+08:00

Eight days of courses....over at long last. Phew. In some ways those things can prove more tiring than normal teaching days.

Will be teaching Sec 3 and 4 next year. How terribly exciting (No believe me, i'm not being sarcastic here:P). The most daunting task has gotta be the 'O'-Level SPA thingy. The memory of how I was hanging desperately on to the end of my tether during the last half of this year is coming back to haunt me. And things can only get more intense...

Several people have been asking me whether I like teaching. I just dun haf a ready answer for that. Becoz I honestly can't say yes, or no. I suppose it's the whole experience of working life that's getting to me. Studying offered a lot more freedom (but I really really dun like exams), and I could always plop onto my snooze chamber anytime I didn't feel like studying. And now it's like I gotta just keep doing things that I dun really wish to do, simply coz it's part of the job. And the work can really pile up at one shot. The perfectionist streak in me is protesting heavily...learnt during the FCGE that there is a certain category of students who need a lot of time to do tasks so as to achieve those high standards that they set for themselves. Think I'm part of that category. Does this call for a fundamental shift in my habits?

***
Anywayz, am feeling vexed now coz...
a) my mom keeps disturbing me after rudely waking me up from my beauty evening nap
b) I dun wish to start doing work but I know I need to
c) my table is messy
d) jus general unhappiness with myself

Grrrrr!!!
But thankfully I still have this space as therapy..think I'm best at expressing myself in writing. Am getting increasingly thoughtful and reflective about stuff in life. Coming to realise certain things about myself, like how I probably haf high intrapersonal intelligence. To continue with Gardner's model, I should also score the following...
-Linguistic intelligence: High
-Logical-mathematical: Moderate
-Musical: I'm still in the process of developing it
-Bodily-kinesthetic: Low
-Spatial: Very low, almost non-existent
-Interpersonal: Moderate
-Naturalistic: Can never really figure out what this means.

One of my greatest takeaways from that course with the GE branch must be that a sense of humour is actually an indicator of intelligence. Meaning people with a good sense of humour (note, good does not include "lame" or "corny") should possess relatively high IQ. Cool...coz I think I'm quite funny...=D

Bond...woolala!

2006-11-20T23:26:00.000+08:00

This might be long, since I'm riding on a wave of inspiration.

I wrote the previous post while in a highly nostalgic mood, and have since emerged from it so there won't be a Part II anytime soon...

So jus came back from watching Casino Royale...and oh man... find myself like one of those smitten critics...

After the show was pondering about my fondness for movies and books and stories in general...and yes it's coz i'm like one of the many deluded unhappy souls who yearn to escape and preferably stay in a fantasy world brimming over with adventure and romance. Alas, reality remains as harsh as ever, and it's interesting how the more one gets immersed in trying to escape, the more stark and permanent the real world becomes.

AAahhh...well...back to the show...and for the raving to begin...

That has got to be the best Bond movie I've watched...not that I've watched many...only those with Pierce Brosnan in it...but I think I got the general feel of the Bond who's portrayed by past actors - very suave, very charming, very slick, uber cool, and STD-immune. So after a few decades of that prototype, albeit with varying additional traits depending on the actor, comes this totally beguiling beefcake who obliterates every single past impression of James Bond.

(<---er, since this is after all a public blog, with respect to the readers who may not be spoiler nuts like me, THERE ARE SOME SPOILERS AHEAD--->)

Yea, so he isn't what most would consider good-looking, or handsome, or wadever...but his looks kinda grow on you after a while, and without that "armour" of gorgeous facial features (the body is great), we are left with his...acting. It is little wonder why some actors who've been in the field for a long time dun really get many credits for their acting - some of them are jus too distractingly handsome (e.g. Brad Pitt). And it can be a struggle for them to overcome that. Take the reverse situation and it's a whole lot easier.

Craig brings these raw set of emotions to his character, and what I like about him is that he's just so...sincere in his role that you can't help feeling for him, and sometimes even with him. Very unpretentious, like when there were girls checking him out (which is like a bit improbable but ahem..), there was no smirk or even the faintest trace of smugness on his countenance; he jus kinda stared after them in a very dispassionate way. And he has such a disarming laugh! Can't help but laugh along with him, like, hurhurhur...very cute. He's a brute when he fights but a charmer when he talks. Aw..

Several memorable scenes, like the chases (the opening chase sequence was AMAZING - love those parkour moves), the high-stakes card game which wasn't as boring as it was made out to be - his stunned demeanour after he got tricked by his nemesis was priceless - Bond makes mistakes...whoa. I dunno why but I particularly like the part where he got poisoned and went into cardiac arrest. It all looked so real I felt quite breathless at that point myself. And of course there was the torture scene which was aptly in place to elicit collective groans from the male portion of the audience. Ouch. A completely speculative point - could his jewels have been damaged so much that in a reverse psychology sort of way it caused his future promiscuity? Hmm. I mean, it's possible, bruised testes and all. They are rather fragile (I think).

Anyway, all in all I enjoyed the show and Craig rocks (in his own craggy way). Sweet!

A brief Memoir Part I

2006-11-12T10:27:00.000+08:00

Seem to have taken an unplanned hiatus on blogging...

Have just run out of material I guess...or out of enthusiasm...

But anyway here I am - appreciating another day when I don't need to think about school stuff. Guess that's why I like to get away so much. Like in another country, one's not tied down to anything and can simply cast aside all worrisome thoughts to really live in the present (and Taiwan beckons...=)).

Been contemplating a lot lately...about my state of life, about what could lie ahead. I mean, I'm fast approaching the big 25. Nice time to do a review of what I've accomplished in a quarter of a century here in this world. What to include in case I do manage to get my memoirs written (haha). So here goes...i'm just gonna write whatever comes to mind...

Part I - The childhood years

An unfortunate aspect of this segment is that I really can't recall much of my childhood years. I'm not like some friends who can remember with startling clarity incidents in primary school or even early childhood. All I have are brief snatches of certain events that have somehow embedded themselves in my substandard memory bank. I can remember being in the total control of a classmate while in kindergarten - following whatever she did and whatever she commanded me to do. Vaguely remember meeting her a few years after that and scarcely greeting each other. Guess we were not what you would call friends.

My mum, like so many other moms, took me to drawing and piano classes. The latter I gave up after a short while coz I didn't like the other student whom I envied endlessly for being better than me. I progressed better with drawing, even winning second prize in a drawing competition in some mall and getting this set of Polly Pocket toys which are still in my possession. I can't draw stuff from scratch but I think I copy rather well.

Primary school was where I was being, in common parlance, an overachiever (have never identified with this term really, I mean, if they say that the human potential is limitless, then why are there such terms in existence? Me thinks it's just sour grapes). I got good grades and had no problems pushing myself to do well or to do better than my peers. So I did everything under the sun but steered clear of outdoor stuff, a feat which I repeated in secondary school. Memorable events include winning a Tan Kah Kee Young Inventors' Award for this wooden structure known as the "Super Duper Wet-Shoe Hanger". Hahaha. It was my mother's idea, actually, but the kids got the credit.

I thrived on entering competitions back then. Storytelling, poetry recitation, essay writing, drawing, skits, performances. I think I needed that kind of affirmation to assure myself of my self-worth among my peers. I was, you see, an insecure kind of person who suffered from an incurable inferiority complex which still surfaces now and then.

To be continued...

A Chapter in my Life

2006-09-18T20:49:00.000+08:00

I always get hit by this incredible wave of nostalgia whenever I set foot in NUS. The winding slopes, the sprawling stretches of ugly concrete, the expressionless undergraduates trudging around with books and files in hand. Lately I've been back twice, just short visits, and it's like a brief journey back in time.

What was I thinking about then, I wonder...as I climbed the stairs to the central library...walked down (and up) the slope leading to LT32...looked up references in the medical library...passed through BizAd on Fridays...stared out my little two-pane window in EA...
NUS is a beautiful place at night, without the throngs of students and vehicles on the road. Sunday nights spent there gave me quite an experience of solitude. In the sheer silence of the emptiness, one's thoughts can be as clear as written words. I was all alone in my little enclave, and it was a strange bittersweet kind of feeling. For the first time I really understood what it was like to miss being with family.

Any regrets? Well I could have worked harder during my first two years, and I really should have stayed on campus earlier (my CAP was directly proportional to the amount of time I spent staying on campus). But those are just little stains on an otherwise brightly coloured quilt of experiences. CSS, cell-group meetings in whatever vacant room we found, long drawn Exco meetings in Holy Cross, Friday masses, varied adhoc comm meetings, random fellowship at the CSS corner, late-night jogging on the tortuous slopes of Arts and Biz, the post-jogging snacking, Fong Seng, Clementi hawker centres and Holland V, pubbing at WalaWala, clubbing at Zouk and dragging wasted friends back to school, praying the rosary together after cooking dinner at PGP, arrowing people to say grace during dinners, running into friends along the corridors...

Not forgetting my memorable final year - spent mostly as a deranged lab rat poking pipettes into microcentrifuge tubes in a remote corner on the fourth level of MD4. My crazy indulgences in clubbing and drinking, and later that mindless RPG MapleStory. The night I spent in the lab just before I submitted my thesis (and there was this other night where we decided to celebrate mooncake festival in style). The close ties I built with my fellow lab rats, trying to make the most of our mundane lab lives. I never had any lack of dinner companions in those days.

I guess I should have written this earlier. It's kinda like a delayed post-mortem. A tribute to my four years in NUS. And to the lifelong friends I've made there. In a way, I guess Uni life does rock.

Women and aging

2006-09-13T15:49:00.000+08:00

Now doesn't that sound like an essay topic on sociology...

I realise that I've been unconsciously conducting my own very unprofessional field research on how women age. (I mean, given that in a few years time, or maybe even at present, it will be one of those physical issues that will be buggin' me) So I've been very observant of the ladies around me. Especially those with kids. Becoz, just like my mom was commenting the other day, women's looks can really deteriorate after childbirth plus a few years of childcare. I pay special attention to the mothers of primary school kids coz some of them really look a lot older than what I believe their age is. Unless the trend of later marriages is really as prevalent as it is made to sound.

I find the 30s to be the age range where the looks spectrum really stretches. Coz there seems to be several women in their 30s who look 10 years older, and several who look ten years younger...If I use celebrities as a benchmark (I know I shouldn't but they represent the highest attainable level of looks maintenance), then a lot of women must be reaching the "auntie" status a lot earlier than they should (!). How disturbing. But then again my research has no empirical data and is almost entirely subjective.

Yep and I do believe that women should give birth in their 20s...but at the rate that moi is going...yes I might end up as one of those old-looking mothers (ugh wat a term!!) when the time comes, that is..if it ever comes.

There's this couple I met when I was doing my weekend rounds as a Choice presenter. They are rather well-known in the local Catholic community coz they are both quite high-profile folks in the Family Life arena, going around giving talks to schools about sex and sexuality and related stuff. Dad's a doctor, Mom's a lawyer and they've got six kids. Six. And for a couple with six kids they really look damn good (rights this jus about confirms my shallowness). So...in a way I aspire to become like them. In a way. Of course it ain't easy doing what they do and I would definitely prefer teaching to poking at other people's wounds (that is a major issue I have with the medical profession) or having to memorise legal jargon.

Ah well, issues in life...

***

ABLAZE!

2006-09-10T18:44:00.000+08:00

Was at the ABlaze Rally organised by the SACCRE (yes it stands for Singapore Archdiocesan Catholic Charismatic Renewal Experience, thanks to the valiant efforts of the MCs to drum it into us) groups. Great to see a large number of eager youths crowding into the hall (think they would need a larger venue next time) - and to have so many young Catholics getting together for a PnW session. I believe it's something that does not happen very regularly in our church context (with many of my friends professing a lack of affinity for PnW)...and it's just very revitalising and inspiring to be...so enthusiastic for the Lord using very tangible means. For it says in Psalm 147:1 - "How good to celebrate our God in song; how sweet to give fitting praise."

Immersing oneself in praise and worship is like getting enfolded in God's embrace...it's hard to describe the experience fully, but it will leave us with the conviction that God is in us, He is with us and He loves us. Praise to the Father for his graces!

I needed the reminder that as long as I put all my trust in Him, He will bring me through it.

May He continue to bless the efforts of SACCRE to renew and sustain the charismatic movement in our local churches...

***
3 more weeks to the exams...woot! Dun think I've ever felt this happy when the exam period approaches...=P

***

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

Your love is
Deeper than my view of grace
Higher than this worldly place
Longer than this road I've travelled
Wider than the gap than you filled

Who can separate us?
Who can separate us from your love?
Nothing can separate us
Nothing can separate us from your love

bleah...

2006-09-05T22:37:00.000+08:00

I love attending courses.
There's free food
Free drinks
Free time
No students
No staff room
No running around
No standing for long hours
No sweat
Just obediently doing whatever the instructor tells us to do
After all
Teachers make the best students.

So the hols are here. Am currently at my most alert in weeks. Meaning I was zombie-ing around for most of last term. I must reiterate that my body ain't made for waking up at 5.30 am!! The gears only start cranking from 8 am onwards. That's why I dislike having first periods, immensely.

So, let me take stock of my life now. Am around 2 months plus into teaching as a profession, am starting to slowly get the hang of the hectic existence of a teacher, am beginning to understand why some people can't wait to quit, am trying to seek some balance amidst the craziness. There have been plenty of up and down moments with the kids, a few points where I really felt like crying, some high points where I couldn't stop smiling...am slowly learning to grasp the culture and the dynamics of each class, trying to guess at what students are thinking, feeling, saying...

I can see the road ahead...a deep commitment of time and effort to my work...a simple and quiet life at home...the rest of my time spent in church/ministry...mmm...not too bad...

2006-08-15T15:42:00.000+08:00

i realise that I ain't really made for teaching...

because...

-I dun have any eye for details
-My short-term memory is comparable to that of a goldfish's
-I can't multitask effectively (yes I admit to that at last...after all my proud parading of my multi-tasking "skills")
-I dislike scolding students...as in, really dislike. I try to use the soft approach but usually end up with myself turning soft i.e. being mashed to a pulp by overly enthusiastic students

So...wat to do...

Like wat josie has been saying...I gotta seek it...even if we are not endowed with certain gifts...God will give them to us if we ask in faith..

So, Lord...I need to....become a different person...

This is home...

2006-08-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

Rights so National Day has come and gone...(where's my flag..? hmm...)

Somehow I always find myself doing something else while the parade is showing on TV. Has been like this for the past couple of years - the evil comp always steals my attention from potential stirrings of national pride...but hey, every morning I actually sing the national anthem (except for some days when the high parts fail me) and say the pledge properly ok. Think teachers do it better than the students. Anyway...

So am watching Sing Idol results show now...hmm why am i always bloggin about SI??? Could it be the most thought-provoking thing that's on TV nowadays?! Hmm ya Judge Number 3 is real intriguing...Her comments always leave ppl gaping...And Kit Chan has jus finished her usual wonderful rendition of THE SINGAPORE SONG - Home...and the part that really got me was how the entire audience just spontaneously sang along with her...really cool. =) A song that unites all...

Hmm alrite alrite the real reason for my frenetic typing here is that I got a lot of things on my mind...Can't seem to plan properly and am having these gazillion neurons firing away but to no avail. I'm just thinking and thinking and not doing enough. Going on course can be a real chore sometimes. As in, thinking of stuff for the kiddies to do while I'm away...Ugh...

Got my new electronic piano!...hee...But haf got no piano skills to speak off...the learning curve is steep...

What the...jonathan is in the bottom four again?! This show is ridiculous...

The first...

2006-07-30T18:04:00.000+08:00

Am blogging on a Sunday again...the only day in the week that really allows me to take a breather...nap a bit, improve upon the powerpoints...

I am thankful for this...and for the kids I teach...even for their nonsense sometimes...

Come to think of it...yesterday was a day of miracles...

It was the first time I joined in a praying over session for physical healing...and even though the pain in her leg didn't go away completely, she was still very touched by the Spirit, as it had been an emotional week for her - 2 suicidal friends suddenly calling her in the wee hours for help. Guess the physical healing turned into spiritual healing =) God does work in marvellous ways.

A divine appointment was made between my 2 close friends, enabling them to have a good heart-to-heart talk to clarify the misunderstandings and the unhappiness that had arose between them over the past couple of months. He also allowed one of them to have a space to do some much needed sharing with me, for me to play the role of a listener as she unloaded some of her worries.

And finally at night...this sounds quite trivial but anyway...I heard some strange, unnatural sounding noises travelling around my ceiling at 2 am...naturally some fear arose as it was the seventh month and stuff and anyway it was preventing me from falling asleep so I was asking the Lord to make it stop and immediately, it did...=>

Thank you, Father, for the gift of community, for the gift of your Spirit, for the gift of music.

***
Went to watch The Lakehouse with a few friends yest...the Hollywood version of a Korean hit (yes it is becoming evident that Hollywood scriptwriters are running dry on original plots)...was not too bad except for some technical loopholes that had to do with altered history. I mean, the time warp part pales in comparison with that of Frequency, one of my fave shows coz it deals with changing one's own history from 30 years back, and the plot there is so tightly paced and seamless. Even though it may seem confusing, but it is possible to have a logical flow of events after history has been altered - basically, the present times would have to keep changing. That was kinda missing in Lake. But, but, but...I need to say this...there came a point in the show where for the first time ever, I was actually moved by Keanu Reeves' acting. And I have watched a fair number of his shows (dunno why - i mean, he's real dashing and all but that ain't the point). Finally, after so long, he has proven me wrong...finally, he can join the club of the good-looking good actors...

***
Some pics of my two lovely babies in uniform...

the dimitri talk-show...

2006-07-23T22:06:00.000+08:00

A few topics for discussion today...

First up...the little piggy...a new adult...
Find it a bit jaw-dropping that her 21st bday celebration is in actual fact a series of celebrations that is gonna last for 2 weeks (at least)...basically involves several groups of friends each giving her treats and prezzies and cakes...i mean...whoa...this must be attributed to her extremely sociable nature I suppose? I dunno...haven't really seen her in action actually...am actually more familiar with her inert and passive ways. I seriously dunno when she transformed into a social butterfly but the change is just startling. (P.S. she's a different person at home - the pic above represents her usual demeanour - complete indifference!! awful piggy...=P) Anyway that's also where the common gene pool diverges - I'm quite the opposite as am usually quite aloof and takes ages to warm up.

Catechism...
tha explains the strange titling of this post. Had this rather interesting activity in the catechism book today...a kind of talkshow in Palestine 1 A.D., with teenagers living in Jesus' time as the speakers. So there was Martha talking about her dreams of marriage (at 14) and Bartholomew (did i get the spelling right??) raving about the wonders of being a blacksmith. Whoa. Had the kids roaring with amusement anywayz.

Myself...
Some more revelations from students this week. a) I am lame. And crappy; b) My knowledge of current affairs sucks. Lameness I blame on adverse influences from prolonged contact with lame ppl, poor GK I blame...myself la. Time to flip open the Time.

Teletubby-tised...

2006-07-21T22:12:00.000+08:00

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time..."

Been discussing about the state of conditioning of teachers with my neighbour at work. How we involuntarily pop up from our chairs the moment we hear the tune that represents the prelude to morning assembly. Every weekday morning. Five consecutive days. A short break of two days, and the cycle repeats itself. Just like how every morning I wake up exactly 2 seconds before the alarm rings. It can't be helped, life is a routine...like it or not. We are constantly being socialised into a state of robotism.

Anyway, on to less depressing stuff...

Haf been keeping up with the Sing Idol happenings...and I must say that in spite of my irritation with the non-toll-free numbers that audiences have to use to vote, there is some merit in such a contest format. The absence of a point system arbitrated by a panel of judges has somehow removed any traces of unfriendly competition between contestants. No one can really control their own popularity, and the uncertainty of it all means that everyone can just go there and aim for a good time, since you will never know anyway...
It's real interesting when you haf a show that showcases the contestants' parents almost as much as the contestants themselves.
Shall root for Jonathan and Jay!!

Everyday I struggle with the moral decision of whether I should cab to school/cab home from school. It's a moral thing becoz it concerns $$$. Becoz it seems somewhat wasteful to spend so much on cabfare when I should be saving up for the unknown future.

A little jaded....

Happppyyyy birthday...

2006-07-18T21:45:00.000+08:00

The piggy's 21st bday has come and gone...hmm I'm now officially the elder sister of an adult being! whoa...(but she still acts and looks like a kid)

Things in school have finally reached a steady state (yes scientific terms again)...so there's some time for me to take stock and ponder the state of affairs on my heavily littered desk.

And I've reached...nothing...I must seriously try to strike a balance between extreme busyness and fits of idleness. It disorientates me.

What to do...

2006-07-12T22:00:00.000+08:00

For the past two days, I've been rather listless in front of the lappie in school. No lessons mah. So have been staring at bright and colourful picture of male reproductive system. Think it becomes unhealthy after a while. Dun quite dare to research for pics of reproductive anatomy as run high risk of stumbling across icky porn sites and similarly icky images.

Been reasoning with my superior/inferior self a lot lately, so much so that I can almost picture the classic angel vs. devil images in my mind, each trying to swing me to her side. Most of the time I try to face the light, but a lot of times the dark one gets me and I succumb. Just gotta pray...

Realise that I like interacting with students. This might sound like a rather "duh" statement but believe me, it has never quite crossed my mind before. Guess adolescents can have a charming side to them too?? Besides the insecurities...

Just a testimony...

2006-07-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

Just got back from my second charismatic retreat in three weeks.

It's not like if we go for a lot of such events, we become holier. What it does for me is that my faith gets enriched and strengthened, and I get this knowledge that God is right there within me and in my life, and it becomes easier for me to turn to him for help, for solace, for answers. The channel of communication with Him, which was previously clogged with all kinds of rubbish, clears up and a relationship is renewed.

"So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13.

I have not really slept very much, but am not that tired. At least not too tired to say that I ...

- am more assured of my abilities to serve in this area of ministry
- am very moved at the way the Spirit transforms people and touches them
- shared in the reconciliation of two very good friends of mine
- realised that I might have been healed of a previously very troubling ailment
- know that the influences of the evil one will always be present, but I will just acknowledge them and set them aside
- can be strong in my weakness

To all my dear friends, thank you...for just being who you are.
To God, your love is unfathomable, and you have given us an indomitable promise of faith.

"So whoever in Christ is a new creation; the old things have passed away, behold, new things have come." 2 Cor 5:17

Man it's hot...

2006-07-04T20:52:00.000+08:00

Weather was at an all-time miserable rating of 8.5 (out of 10) today.

So entered class feeling like someone just hit me on the head with something heavy. Decided to clean the board as class streamed in...interesting Chinese words on board...took couple of sec to read them...most of the phrases were kinda hard to comprehend...but there was this line on the top of the board that caught moi attention. It goes like this - “我们不能够改变天气，但我们能够改变心情。”Immediately felt like there is still some hope in this (hot) world. Enthusiastically shared my insight with the class...best reaction was an expression amounting to faint amusement...majority were...staring...just staring...

Really la, these Upper Sec kids...I try my utmost to stir up some excitement and interest, I'm constantly beaming at them...hoping they can beam back...but what I perceive is merely a sudden passing of bemusement across their countenance, before it settles back into its basal state i.e. sullenness. Even my usual humor (ahem *ego* ahem) falls flat.

IDMI week rox!! whoo...

2006-07-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

What would you do if you had a thorn in your flesh?

Remove it.

Usually in TV shows, people choose to remove their thorns by destroying them (i.e. in cold blood). In my case, the thorn is geographically a bit far away to murder, but yet it is not entirely unfeasible. Food poisoning mebbe? Or mebbe induce memory loss? That bit would be sufficient. Then the both of us will not need to feel so bugged anymore...

She's like a spider, takes us a while to free ourselves from her web.

***

The little piggy has several members of the male species hovering around her...hmm...v.interesting.

I suddenly haf a craving for...da mai. The dessert.

bleah

2006-07-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

Today I tried to organise two different social gatherings. One din materialise, the other will probably not. It is that hard to get ppl together...and increasingly so when we get older and get more preoccupied with stuff - like work, gf/bf, family and so on...

Weird empty feeling...when there's suddenly no powerpoint to rush.

I leave it all in your hands, Lord.

Realise that I am one who badly needs humour in my life. Like when I'm feeling real sleepy and crappy in the morning and a friend comes up to me and says something funny that makes me laugh...man those endorphins can make all the difference. I guess that's why I'm always laughing at stuff while among friends and colleagues, not that I'm suffering from the Angelman syndrome, but just dun wan to treat things so seriously all the time. Sometimes i smile brightly at students and they ask me why I'm smiling at them. We are a dull lot man. ok mebbe jus the de ming ppl.

Oh and also...a special newsflash (i have not done this in a while)

Change of name for former co-ed school

Come Jan 2007, DXXXXX school will have a new name - DXXXXX Girls' High. This move was deemed necessary after the abrupt announcement of the restructuring of the school from co-ed to an all girls territory. The past five years has seen an unprecedented dip in the percentage of boys for each new Sec 1 cohort. The ratio of boys to girls currently stands at close to 1 is to 8, a startling change from the previous, healthier, 1 to 2 ratio. The school administration therefore decided to make the bold move to become a single sex school.

When interviewed, the principle has this to say: "We believe that having a school made up of solely female students will help to boost the grades of the entire school, as girls are better performers than boys at that age. We began to see a serious problem when the number of boys in the school dropped to only 80 last year. Parents appear to have lost interest in sending their sons to our school. We are still trying to find out the cause of this phenomenon."

Tan Kar Seng, 16, who would be one of the last batches of boys who would ever pass through the gates of DXXXXX, said sadly: "This is a real pity. Boys can help to balance the girls. If this school is only made up of female students, they would be so dead, no spirit one (sic)."

DXXXXX will be putting up the boys' uniforms for auction to raise funds for charity.

***
Disclaimer: The above is a work of fiction, and as such any resemblance between the characters herein and real persons living or otherwise is purely coincidental.

2006-06-27T20:50:00.000+08:00

I told the kids to write a blog entry bout how they are feeling and their thoughts about the new term. I ended up getting stuff like "Hope the new Bio teacher is good", "Hope my grades for bio will improve", "maybe there is hope for bio after all". Good going kids, lotsa hope there...but for the teacher....*stress*

Has only spent two days at work, but it already feels like eternity...hoho...

To God: Help I need the mental strength...

But strangely, dun feel very stressed...unlike those practicum days. Guess the presence of an assessor makes all the difference.

Am feeling more "de ming" than ever...strange...

2006-06-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

Right now, am jus hoping to survive monday.

Tiredness prompts me to zone out in front of the comp.

In the past, I zoned out during staff contact time. Just now, I zoned out from being overwhelmed at the plethora of dates and events that were unleashed upon us.

Will have to learn how to live (and think, and educate, and love, and care, and socialise, and plan) on 5-6 hours of sleep a day.

Plant nutrition...oh why are they still at plant nutrition??

Heard a sharing bout how RI does their IP programme for Bio. Was completely awed. So the limits of our curriculum can be stretched to such an extent. So this is what critical thinking is really about. For a brief moment, I wanted to study at RI...

I realise I can end up sounding like some damn bigot when I'm talking about religion. Really need some self-evaluation about beliefs, principles, prejudices, etc. But it did dawn on me that since I'm someone who's not by nature very loving or virtuous, I need religion to make me a better person...

又是一个。。。

2006-06-21T20:41:00.001+08:00

去学校有时会是件劳累的事，所以每回家就会变成床上的死猪。我真的需要无限的精力。

回去德明，虽然有朋友表示没有挑战性（！），也有人说会有点沉闷，但我始终认为 - 能够再度沉浸在华族传统文化与习俗中，何尝不是件好事？

有时觉得自己太过习惯活在自己的世界里，很容易忽略别人的需要。

觉得最近本地电视连续剧的剧情开始偏于大胆的题材 - 譬如我正在观看的九点“重头剧”，里头的宋怡霏饰演个变性人，她/他千方百计想杀郑斌辉。在最惊险的一幕，她/他竟摊开双脚（当时宋身上穿的仅是一件上衣和内裤），激动地问郑她哪里不像女人。这一幕应该不太适合播放给年轻一辈吧。。。

今天是大长今最后一集。。。她女儿好可爱哦！幸福家庭的一幕总是最可贵的。
其实大长今这部戏，虽是典型的韩国阿嫂剧，但也能学习不少做人的道理。长今待人处事都是以最真诚，谦虚的态度面对。从不发脾气，才貌双全却从不傲慢，被赞美也只是含着笑容，默默接受。她那锲而不舍的精神更是令人敬佩。她只是死板了一点，又缺乏幽默感。我在想- 长今这类型的女子会吸引男生吗？男人是肤浅的。。。哈哈。。。其实我本身也是挺肤浅的。。。外表是很重要的哦！哈哈，好啦，我有点缺乏睡眠了。。。

2006-06-19T17:50:00.000+08:00

I'm in love with...

~the sky before it rains~
~Meiji products~
~good books~
~seeing people get better~
~moving stories~
~walking around the deserted roads ofNUS by myself~
~making people laugh~
~having a good conversation~
~the food in Bedok interchange hawker centre~
~watching cats lounge around~

But most of all, I'm in love with God...without whom the above will not even exist...

Have you ever had the experience of...
asking for new tongues and getting them immediately?
asking for a sign and getting slain?
getting healed unexpectedly?

I never really wanted to go for the YISS...but His will was a bit too strong to resist...and I could not be more wrong about how things would turn out. God is beautiful...

2006-06-14T12:29:00.000+08:00

This is what I do nowadays, when the hours are long and the entertainment is short...

A little bit of history...

2006-06-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

Thanks to the good grace of the Malaysian TV network (even though my dad informed me that there was some intentional scrambling of the signal from their side thus resulting in a fuzzy display) and to my opportune switch of channel, I, the cable-hungry soul, finally managed to catch a match live on mainstream TV. Woohoo!!

So, Korea vs Togo. Wait, To-what? This is like the first time self has ever heard of such a place. You see, one of the perks of the World Cup...one gets to learn some geography. Otherwise, would never have known that Angola was actually colonised by the Portuguese for four hundred years (!! that's like, several generations), or that Togo is actually a country in Western Africa, and a former German colony. In-ter-esting...

The Reds were slow to warm up, despite having had high hopes pinned onto them, and the lanky Togolese actually managed a first hit into the net. Still the Reds chugged along, till this pivotal point when their captain got sent off for preventing a potential goal-scoring opportunity. They got a free kick, Blondie took it, and the ball sailed into a path of victory. Have discovered that Koreans really thrive on national pride and spirit, and well, almost the entire stadium was glowing. A little sad for the disadvantaged Togolese, but still, they are not bad as first-timers. All in all, enjoyable =) .

***

I realise that I tend to procrastinate when it comes to doing housework. Which is bad coz if I dun do it, then my mother would just automatically finish up the job. Which kinda defeats the whole purpose. Ugh Ugh.

2006-06-12T00:43:00.000+08:00

There is something particularly magical about the witching hour, the period when the powers of the occult reaches its pinnacle...and that is also the time when the blogging urge starts up.

It's the whole nostalgia thing again...reminiscing about the glories of old...oh!...ugh.

So, now I'm thinking about how creative I could get during the wee hours (3-4 a.m.) back in EA in good ol' NUS...rewriting songs, writing poems, squeezing out thesis bits, watching movies, playing brainless MMORPG (:P)...memorable times of languid decadence...

And also how...for the most part of last year...was feeling like total crap...being in a spiritual low...getting angry and pissed with surrounding people...getting jaded...frustrated at old hurts and wounds...

Now am at a point where I feel that God has rescued me from the depths of emotional struggle, comforted me with His assurances, affirmed me with the people He has placed in my life, and most of all, moved me with His abundant love... =)

***

~Lovely babes of NIE~
Watch out for them in your nearest Biology classroom

Soccer blues...

2006-06-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

Was thinking, might as well indulge in this thoughtfest a bit more, since will prob. get little chance to do this come next month with the dreaded opening of school...

So, happened to be viewing the encore telecast of Sing. Idol just now, trying to prevent self from choking on the ba bao self was munching on, while listening to some not-so-fantastic renditions of some difficult songs. But erm, it wasn't really the singing that got to me. What really got my eyes rrrollin' were the smses that kept flashing at me throughout the entire show. I mean, it's kinda hard to fathom why people actually pay $0.60 to send something like - "Hi, I play Maple too!" to be displayed on national TV. Yea so that kinda reminded me that I was, ahem, once a Mapler too...who got stalled at level 31 despite having chalked up an impressive number of hours not eating, not sleeping, not studying, just zombiefied in front of my lappie. Ok so am lousy at games..

Right now, I wish for some cable. I dunno why, I'm normally not into football...am totally not interested in the EPL, and am more keen on the private lives of soccer players, rather than their lives on the pitch. But come World Cup season, I get a little more excited. Watching soccer can sometimes be such an emotional roller coaster. Will always remember this scene in my Sec4 Geography classroom eight years ago...when the Geo. teacher strolled in and flashed "France will win" on the OHP. At which the class violently protested coz the whole world was rooting for Brazil, and hello, who's France? But as one would have it, the unexpected happened and a new champ was born, only to be sorely trashed by uber underdog Senegal four years later. Well well...nostalgia again...

Taking stock...

2006-06-10T11:54:00.000+08:00

Finally had my karaoke fix yesterday =) Felt ripped off by K-Box though...

Next week's the time for us BTs (beginning teachers - this island is overrun by acronyms) to take a brief holiday before school starts. That'll mean a) resting at home and churning out powerpoint slides, b) going for YISS, c) watching TV. *grinz* I like this life.

Tried to catch the opening match of World Cup yesterday...but jus could not keep eyes open...but by the half hour mark 3 goals were already scored by both sides...a bit mind-boggling...camera kept zooming in on Ballack, who was not even in the game...think he's got a rather hard look about him, what with the prominent jaw...he reminds self of Matt Damon, for some unknown reason. Ah well, still prefer the blonde Germans. =P

There's no food at home and am in no mood to attempt cooking. *starve..*

Waiting for pay increment to arrive...

memories...

2006-06-08T11:41:00.000+08:00

A letter to NIE:

Dear Sir/Madam/beige concrete structure situated in the most ulu and unimaginably inaccessible part of Singapore,

On the eve of my last official day in the National Institute of Education, I would like to express my sincere gratitude, not so much for the tutorials and lectures that sometimes bordered on inanity, but rather, for the opportunity of socialising with...

1) the Bio n Eng peeps...the six of us...the only ones in the school with this odd combination of CSs...
~ P, with whom I can talk to about anything and everything
~ HL, a wonderful hang-out buddy and gossip mate
~ M, my snoozing mate on the MRT home
~ G, our da jie, who is always so steady in all she does
~ G, who is oddly charming with his fancy for spas and facials and totally metrosexual lifestyle

2) the Bio peeps in general...with the lovely, lovely girls (and sometimes the occasional XY chromosome being)...too many to name...with their absolutely quirky humour..I will cherish the laughter and crap we shared...

3) the Eng tut peeps...having gone through 3 very different tutors...having to adjust each time, and especially during the second semester~ during which our unity was so strong and so pronounced to all except one...and also special mention to my two chem friends T and Y...

4) the Practicum peeps...who have offered so much solace and friendship during the trying times of the practicum period. Even though I was a rose among the thorns, I was quite a happy rose...thanks to L, LH and SK...

5) the ubiquitous Fellow Trainee who is encountered during tutorials...with whom one can, at any point, on the basis of a shared identity and shared experiences, strike up a conversation.

I have to confess that those days were not exactly my happiest, for I had felt rather disillusioned and dejected at several points, and it was in no small part thanks to the above people that I have managed to somehow pull through and still manage a smile.

What can I say...teachers rock. =)

Teaching...

2006-06-06T21:52:00.000+08:00

Got to know which classes I'm gonna teach. And *gulp*...there's Lower Sec Science...it's time to dig out P=VI (or sth like dat?!) from the recesses of my brains...please..synaptic connections...toughen up...

Realise that have been staying out for the past couple of nights...spending $$ on food + entertainment...and I finally bought that electronic piano I had been eyeing...I only hope it's worth my investment...er no, it has to be worth it...else my head will roll, while my mom's chopper awaits...

大长今 is getting more watchable...and the chubby pair of hands that chops up the food has been replaced by slender fingers...good. However, vivid scenes of the (painful) acupuncture process remains ..painfully vivid.
~~~

The most recent Choice has really helped me overcome some psychological hurdles and accept the reality in front of me. Though it is v. tiring doing the job as presenter and having to coax some sharings out of unresponsive participants, it never fails to force a stop to my emotional numbing, and reexamine those thorny issues in my life.

Imagine that you are about to jump down from a waterfall. The kind of fear and dread that seeps through you as you imagine the sheer terror of leaping from a great height into the unknown...and the ensuing exhilaration and joy as you hit the waters. That's where I am now-overwhelmed by the love of God. =D

遗失的美好

2006-06-06T00:58:00.000+08:00

喜欢一个人，一起过了美好的时光。。。因某原因结束了那段感情。。。但却始终觉得那个人才是最好的。。。也只好苦苦思念，牵挂着，无法忘怀。现实，有时真的挺惨酷。就是所谓。。。遗失的美好。

2006-06-03T13:22:00.000+08:00

Had a ride yesterday in my dad's bike for the second time. Was not pleasant. First shock was administered when he practically crept up next to me without announcing his presence, I wasn't looking at his face so started to panic and develop fear that this man on a bike's about to rob me. Next had to perch self on a tiny strip of upholstery serving as a passenger seat and hang on to nothing but the seat while daddy sailed forth. Was practically hysterical with fright and kept muttering that "i'm scared, i'm scared...", while paternal being in front placidly informed self that even my mother could do it so why can't I. Tried to stay calm and remain steady (literally) but heart was really thumping and had to say several Hail Marys before destination was reached. Harrowing.

Watched X-men: The Last Stand. Not as entertaining and riveting as the second instalment. Too many special effects and insufficient interaction between characters. But I did learn one thing - That even if one has limitless power and potential and what not...it is useless if one cannot control it, and cannot find a purpose for it. That is why Prof X and Magneto remains the most powerful mutants - each has a goal and is able to harness their powers to achieve it.

Now if I were a mutant, what would be a nice mutation?
What a thot.